It's that time of year again. The beaches are packed, the bars are slinging shots all night, and the petty thieves of Miami Beach have thousands of easy marks. Spring breakers have returned.
And no one is happier than the tourist-junk-shilling shops along Lincoln Road and Washington Avenue. Each year, these classy establishments -- you know, the ones with the mannequins modeled after genetically modified porn stars -- turn out a new batch of T-shirts aimed at drunken college students with stunted senses of humor.
Sometimes they reference pop culture. Sometimes they announce how badly their wearer wants to get laid. Either way, they're important indicators for those of us who live here year-round: When you see these shirts, you know to avoid the person inside it. Or try to score a one-night-stand if you're desperate. Spring break be not proud.