Photo by Vulp/Adobe Stock
Audio By Carbonatix
It’s been four decades since Tears For Fears’ “Shout” hit No. 1 on the Billboard Hot 100 — not to mention the more than 400 million streams on Spotify since then — but we still have not managed to “let it all out.” Not even close, in fact.
The Miami Scream Team has made an effort to rectify this by gathering weekly at Margaret Pace Park for “a group scream sesh facing the ocean — a deliberate choice to minimize any concern from onlookers, but also to maximize a collective emotional release.”
That’s amazing, but if you want to free solo your sonic release, we’ve got your back with these 12 places where you can go to scream in Miami.
Photography by Monica McGivern
The Break Room Miami
Break Room Miami was founded in 2021 by a “holistic healer turned play pioneer,” which might not sound like the most rage-out-friendly curriculum vitae, but aspiring screamers who book a session will be pleasantly surprised by the deft way this establishment facilitates both unhinged, full-on smashing release and woo-adjacent inner-child healing. (Its recent “Rage to Reiki” event, for example, included group breathwork, Reiki, yin yoga, sound healing…and glass-throwing and bat-swinging in the “rage room.”) 1912 NW 20th St., Miami; 305-699-4344; thebreakroommiami.com.
Black Point Park & Marina
Want to make a day of your scream staycation? Black Point Park & Marina in Homestead is not only insanely lovely, but its Black Creek Trail spans from civilization to a jetty that you can follow well over a mile out into the sea, where, using a little situational awareness and respect for others, you can find the right time and place to get your Lieutenant Dan on. Afterwards, walk the equally beautiful Biscayne Trail for an opportunity to reflect in the calm beyond the storm. 24775 SW 87 Ave., Miami; 305-258-4092; miamidade.gov.
Churchill’s Pub
Have you ever considered starting a solo electronic noise project? Source a drum machine and some damaged speakers from Facebook marketplace and — voila! — you’ve transformed 45 minutes of anguished, indecipherable screaming from a potential 72-hour psychiatric hold into a (admittedly barely profitable) side hustle with a built-in niche-but-obsessive audience. If you want to pay it forward, start a bedroom boutique label called, say, World of Shit, or Apocalyptic Static, and start signing others in need of an emotional outlet to cassette-only release deals. 5501 NE Second Ave., Miami; 305-757-1807; churchillspub.com.
E11even
Iron sharpens iron, so why not test your own internal decibel projection system against the “world’s best sounding club system”? Yes, E11even Sound — a “custom built sound system specifically designed for the venue to create an immersive audio experience using precise coverage modeled to the exact design of the club” — may be a quasi-final boss of both your metaphorical and real silencing, so before you engage it you must embark upon a scream training montage to rival Rocky IV (no small feat). When you walk past security into the dawning early-morning light, and they ask if that was you they heard screaming over their state-of-the-art sound system, you can channel your inner Elle Woods: “What, like it’s hard?” 29 NE 11th St., Miami; 305-829-2911; 11miami.com.
Photo by Adi Adinayev/adinayev.com
Grails Sports Bar
Looking for a scream cover? Order yourself a Miami Heatwave or Red Sangria Max, pretend your team is losing — or, better yet and longer-term, commit yourself to an authentically loss-inclined team — and turn those vocal cords up to 11. No one will question. In fact, you may find some kindred spirits with whom to banshee out. 2800 N. Miami Ave., Miami; 786-870-4313; grailsmiami.com.
Jet Ski
Did you know jet skis can travel upwards of 170 miles on a single tank of gas? (Depending on make and model — please do your research!) That is plenty of round-trip distance to get far enough offshore to set aside any self-consciousness you may be feeling and let your freakiest shriek flag fly. Some good options for raging further off the grid include Oleta River State Park, Key Biscayne, and Virginia Key. You could probably do a version of this with a kayak or paddleboard, but the added equilibrium of a heavy jet ski will likely be helpful amidst a scream reverie.
MacArthur Causeway
Remember the tagline from Alien, “In Space, No One Can Hear You Scream?” Well, you don’t have to spend years in a hypersleep pod and dodge xenomorphs to get that experience. Just merge onto the dedicated pedestrian pathway on the 3.5-mile-long MacArthur Causeway and let the cacophony of cars, boats, helicopters, wind, and waves back your open-mouthed operatic wail all the way from downtown to Miami Beach or vice versa. For a different vibe, venture out in the wee, slightly quieter hours. Let those manatees know what’s up.
Pillow Shop
The nice thing about pillows is that there is one at every price point. A standard plush from Target will set you back less than four bucks. Or, you could go mid-tier at Macy’s (Eddie Bauer; $14.99) or JCPenney (Serta; $12.99). Then there’s the top at West Elm ($89.99) or Pottery Barn (Hydrocool; $109). All are portable and, by design, fit over faces in a one-size-fits-all fashion for your screaming convenience. Looking to treat yourself? Pick up the Casper $179 Snow Pillow on Lincoln Road, semi-discreetly scream as you stroll through the afternoon and early evening crowds of tourists, then use it as a noise reducer when you hit the clubs. (In Miami, no one will bat an eye. Seriously.)
Photo by Joe Raedle/Getty Images
Rehearsal Space Rental
Listen, if you rent a soundproof room in a band rehearsal complex, it doesn’t mean you’ve got to murmur honeyed melodies or hit the same notes as Marc Anthony or Ariana Grande. You can crank up the PA and howl F-bombs into a compact mirror or shut the lights off and howl like a wolf. If anyone complains, remind them that art is subjective — in as loud a bulging-eye-and-tendon-brandishing voice as you can muster.
Speed Dating
Want to know if he or she is the one? Scream nonstop across a table at them for three minutes straight, and you’ll know sooner rather than later if it’s a match. If they scream back, elope.
Thriller Miami Speedboat Adventures
So much of Bayside Marketplace seems designed to nudge a scream out of you, yet vocalizing to match the vibe remains frowned upon. When that pressure mounts, take a detour to the docks and get on this wild, exhilarating, part-white-knuckler, part-sightseeing ride. It’s overwhelmingly loud, fast, and everyone around you also screams — sure, maybe out of glee and not existential dread, but, you know, in the lands of commerce, beggars cannot be choosers. 401 Biscayne Blvd., Miami; 305-371-3278; thrillermiami.com.
Your Car on I-95 During Rush Hour
Look, we held on and tried it R.E.M.’s way for more than three decades, but the “subtitled silence and abandoning vehicles in traffic” method from the “Everybody Hurts” video has proven unsatisfying at best, and an impediment to therapeutic progress at worst. Maybe what we really need is a 180-degree turn — not towards coarse road rage, but in the direction of enlightened rage on the road. Next time I-95 becomes a glorified parking lot, let’s make a collective pact to hop out, scream, and become as one.
