For almost two decades, Rep. Ileana Ros-Lehtinen has been a more or less sane presence in a Miami-Dade County congressional seat. Now that she's retiring, though, a drunken clown show has pitched its tent in her district. On the left, basically every Democrat with ten bucks to spare and a few hours of free time on their hands has now entered the fray.
And the Republican side is even more absurd. The two top candidates are Bruno Barreiro, the guy who masterminded the worst stadium deal in American history, and Raquel Regalado, who was caught claiming an illegal tax break before getting crushed by Carlos Gimenez in the county mayoral race.
Not to worry, GOP voters — there is a third option: Meet Bettina Rodriguez Aguilera, an entrepreneur, former Doral vice mayor, and, uh, alien abduction victim?
In a 2009 video uncovered by the Miami Herald , Rodriguez Aguilera appears on a Spanish-language show called Experiencias Extradimensionales (Extradimensional Experiences) and speaks at length about her abduction by three gigantic blond creatures who zipped her around in their quartz-powered spacecraft.
The Herald has translated the choicest bits of the interview, in which Rodriguez Aguilera compares the alien creatures to the Christ the Redeemer statue in Rio de Janeiro and reveals the surprising facts they told her as she flew around in space, such as that 30,000 mysterious nonhuman skulls are hidden in Maltese caves and that South Miami-Dade's Coral Castle is actually an ancient Egyptian pyramid.
(To be fair to Rodriguez Aguilera, she's not the first person to talk of ancient pyramids in South Florida — and Coral Castle is definitely weird as hell.)
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So was she serious about this alien abduction? And how would it affect her stance on Obamacare if she were elected to U.S. Congress?
Aguilera's campaign didn't immediately respond to a message from New Times, but in a statement sent to the Herald, she danced around the abduction issue by saying, "I join the majority of Americans who believe that there must be intelligent life in the billions of planets and galaxies in the universe.”
Without some help from her blond, UFO-piloting pals, Rodriguez Aguilera doesn't look to have much of a shot at taking Ros-Lehtinen's seat. She has raised only $4,900 so far, according to Federal Election Commission records (though she tells the Herald she has since upped that number to about $10,000).
Among the eight Democrats vying for the seat, former Knight Foundation program director Matt Haggman raked in more than a half-million bucks just in the third quarter; Barreiro has reported a shade over $200,000 so far in his campaign coffers.