Five Reasons Everyone Outside Miami Hates the Hurricanes

In case you missed it, the U is back — and so are the haters.

As you might imagine, the University of Miami's resurgence all the way to number 3 in the new College Football Playoff rankings is quite bothersome to many people who would much rather have seen the Hurricanes football program continue on the stinky path it's been meandering on for the past decade-plus. College football was an easier place for the haters' favorite schools to compete without the pesky Canes hogging all the awesome stuff, like championship trophies and future NFL Hall of Fame players. The hope, by many, was that the Canes would never return to their former dominance.

Welp, not looking like that's going to be a thing. That's unfortunate. Sorry, not sorry.

Many people love the Miami Hurricanes, but so many more hate them. Here are our best guesses as to why:

1. People hate Miami. We get it, America: You don't like Miami unless you're here on vacation enjoying the amazing weather, beaches, cuisine, and nightlife. It's weird, but it's fine. We also understand that your odd distaste for the residents of your vacation spot carries over to sports. Watching how people reacted to LeBron James choosing to spend four years of his NBA career with the Miami Heat taught us a thing or two about the level of respect South Florida fans get around the country.

When it comes to Miami Hurricanes fans, though, the butt-hurt is particularly strong. Maybe it's the cockiness that comes with five championships. Maybe it's jealousy over the fact that so many of their favorite NFL stars starred collegiately at Miami. Maybe it's just that they don't like the fact that we get to live in Miami and they don't.

We're not therapists. We can't diagnose the root of everyone's Miami hate. But it seems like something the haters might want to discuss with a professional.
2. When the Canes are good, they get more media attention. When the Hurricanes are good, you know about it. How will you know the Hurricanes are back? Trick question: They are already back. Did you even turn on a TV last weekend? If you had, you would have been told all about it.

The media loves the Hurricanes. It's the opposing fans who hate them. The media might try to act like the Canes don't matter when they are down (see the first Paul Finebaum video, above) but when the Canes are in the Top 10, the media covers them with more appetite than almost any other program in the nation. The media covers the ever-loving shit out of them (see the second Paul Finebaum video, above).

Now are you wondering why Wisconsin fans probably hate the Hurricanes? The Badgers are undefeated too, but no one cares. Even when the Canes are bad, it's news. Even when the Canes suck, there is a decade filled with ESPN 30 for 30's dedicated just to them.

3. Everyone wishes their team had Hurricanes swagger. Often imitated but never duplicated, Miami Hurricanes swagger is unique. Other teams try too hard, and it shows. It also pisses off their fans. Everyone loves a Yasiel Puig bat flip when he's on their team. Everyone hated Dennis Rodman's annoying antics unless you were a fan of the Pistons or Bulls when he played for those teams. The same thing goes for the Miami Hurricanes: Others hate us cause they ain't us.

While your school has a dictator for a head coach that is red-faced screaming at players for touchdown celebrations, Miami is out there putting Cuban-link chains on defenders while they are still on the field. Your team might run through smoke, but they don't truly run through the smoke like the Miami Hurricanes do. Nope. Not the same.

It's a Canes thing — you wouldn't understand. It's understandable that it makes you angry. That seems like a you problem.

The turnover chain is here to stay. pic.twitter.com/bP8dEX5BFP

— ESPN CollegeFootball (@ESPNCFB) November 12, 2017

4. The "turnover chain" bothers everyone because their team didn't think of it first. Many people love the turnover chain — the Hurricanes' wildly popular and ingenious motivational tool — but many more do not. Why? Probably because their favorite school didn't think of it first. Of all the reasons to hate Miami, the turnover chain is the newest, perhaps because it's easy to become enraged by the trendiest celebration in sports.

Or as Mark Richt said in the video above, the pushback is because the chain is getting broken out so often. The Canes are creating a ton of turnovers and making life hell for their opponents. Whatever the reason behind people hating a prop as fun as the turnover chain, they'd better cope because that chain isn't going away anytime soon.

5. Canes ass-kickings that took place years ago are still haunting them. If there was ever a valid reason to hate the Miami Hurricanes, this one makes the most sense. If you're still mad the Hurricanes couldn't lose from 2000-04, we totally get it. We would hate us too. Pretty much anyone who isn't a fan of the New England Patriots has a distaste for them, and 99.9 percent of the time it's solely because everyone is sick of seeing them win football games.

Though it seems like the Hurricanes have been a big deal forever, they actually weren't even on the college-football map until 1983. Since then, they've won five titles. Five titles in 30 years. That will piss off a lot of people who know the sport only from 1980 to present day.

If you hate the Hurricanes because they've won too much in the past, we get it. Don't expect an apology, though.

Correction: An earlier version of this story misstated the first year the Hurricanes won a national title.