Look, we don't like this either. We don't. But whenever we post something about Stitches, the comments, shares, views — it all goes through the roof, and you people, despite your protest, eat it up. There's a dark pit inside each of us — the one that secretly cares who wore it best and wants to grab the "Kardashians Practice Animal Sacrifice" issue of the National Enquirer at the checkout line — that wants to stay updated on the life of Stitches.
Also, we've followed this man's career from its inception, and we feel obliged to see to its death — which appears mighty close. We'll make this quick.
In the third act of what's either a very funny comedy or very sad tragedy, Stitches has agreed to a boxing match with the practically unknown Philly MC Jemal "Supreem" Carter as part of the World Xtreme Entertainment Celebrity Boxing championships. The news was announced yesterday at a news conference in Oakland Park. Stitches and his opponent had to be physically separated during the staredown, nearly coming to blows long before the bell will ring.
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Of course, this isn't the fight Stitches really wants. He wants to fight the Game, a rapper whom he's publicly feuded with over the past six months. Stitches actually did try to Fight the game back in December. He stalked the rapper outside Story, where the Game was making an appearance, but he was eventually knocked out by a member of the Game's entourage. The whole thing was caught on video. Soon a mugshot surfaced showing Stitches with actual stitches. The whole thing, again, was either very funny or sad, depending on your perspective of life.
The Game did not respond to World Xtreme Entertainment Celebrity Boxing's request for a match, according to owner Damon Feldman. Feldman hopes this match will build enough hype for the Game to eventually step in the ring.
The three-round fight will take place May 7 at 2300 Arena in Philadelphia.
OK, it's over. See, was that so bad?