TRUE OR FALSE:

1. Matsuri looks like a dive.

False. Used to be true, but last year the place was renovated. Now it is swathed in soothing woods and exudes a rather upscale appearance.

2. The menu is written entirely in Japanese so non-Japanese diners have no idea what they are ordering.

True. But there is a different, somewhat similar menu written in English.

3. It has been open in West Miami-Dade since 1988.

True.

4. Yaki ika, hotate yaki, madai, and o-toro are the names of Japan's latest pop music sensations.

False. Just some cuts of sushi you won't find at many places other than Matsuri.

5. Matsuri's waiters dress like Johnny Cash.

True.

6. Ankimo monkfish liver is also known as "chopped liver for the goyim."

False. It is, however, sometimes referred to as "Japanese foie gras," and Matsuri's got it.

7. Mori awase is Japanese for "cheap crap," and at Matsuri is an all-you-can-eat-for-$5 buffet featuring fish that doesn't smell so good.

False. Mori awase is Matsuri's top-end sushi assortment, and it offers stellar-quality slices of nigiri.

8. Thirty-five percent of Matsuri's clientele is Japanese-American.

False. It's closer to 40 percent. Or 45 percent. Or maybe it is 35 percent. Hard to say.

9. Matsuri's product is fresher than anyone else's, yet it costs considerably less.

True.

10. Matsuri has the best sushi.

How many damn ways do we have to spell it out for you?