The human body is approximately 65 percent liquid, which means we inevitably do a lot of drinking to keep that waterlogged equilibrium. Whether it's the recommended allowance of H20 or copious quantities of booze, there's lots of the wet stuff constantly flowing down our gullets.
So proper drinkware is no joking matter. But most cups on the market are fallible. They break, they crack, they sweat -- they fail to effectively contain our beverage of choice. Despite Toby Keith's endorsement, even Red Solo cups have their Achilles heel.
Thankfully, mankind's search for the perfect drinkware has not been in vain, because one container has met the challenge. Tervis tumblers FTW. (And no, Tervis didn't pay me in plastic cups -- or any other currency -- to write this. I pay full retail price for my tumblers just like the rest of y'all.)
10. They're made in Florida. Go local!
9. They don't sweat. Sweating cups are the bane of any chilled-beverage drinker's existence. Take Starbucks. Midway through a delightful Venti iced caramel macchiato, that cup is dripping condensation all over the place. So annoying. Not an issue when Tervis is concerned.
8. They're equally effective for hot, cold, and lukewarm bevvies. Fully insulated, no coozie needed, temperature controlled.
7. They're amazing as to-go cups. Seriously, they'll keep your beer cold or your bloody mary nicely iced. They're not as obvious as a flask, forty, or brown paper bag. Plus, you can put a lid on it.
6. They're practically unbreakable. No more shattering wine glasses or breaking beer bottles. Tervis has solved the conundrum of every clumsy drunk.
5. They come in countless designs. They make 'em for Parrotheads, hunters, poodle-lovers, Marlins fans (ha!), brides and grooms, and so on. If you're an enthusiast, fan, or follower of any given interest, obsession or brand, there's a Tervis for that.
4. They're customizable. You can get 'em lettered with almost anything you want. "Hot Mess." "Tremenda Mierda." "Suck It, MBPD." (They can't cite for plastic!).
3. They have awesome accessories. Sippy lids, reusable straws, handles, shaker tops. In loads of pretty colors.
2. They make ice buckets too. And various sizes and styles of their signature cup. So you literally never have to drink from anything else ever again.
1. They're guaranteed for life. That's more than you can say for your spouse.
Follow Hannah on Twitter @hannahalexs.
Keep Miami New Times Free... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Miami with no paywalls.