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Donald Trump Jr. will speak at this week's American Priority Conference at Trump National Doral Miami.EXPAND
Donald Trump Jr. will speak at this week's American Priority Conference at Trump National Doral Miami.
Photo by Gage Skidmore / Flickr

Trump Jr., Gaetz, and Prominent Conservatives to Attend Huge Conference at Trump Doral

Last year's American Priority Conference was, according to attendees, a bit of a joke. According to a Politico reporter who went to the inaugural event, the conference — pitched as some sort of yearly gathering for people who love Donald Trump and "American nationalism" — played to a lot of empty seats. Those who did attend wound up getting to see former Trump White House Communications Director Anthony Scaramucci state that the people behind the QAnon conspiracy theory had been "right about so many things."

Well, like many things in Trump's orbit, the American Priority Conference has returned despite the fact that seemingly few people wanted it in the first place. But although last year's event occurred in Washington, D.C., this year's conference is set to take place at Trump National Doral Miami, a place for people who enjoy spending thousands of dollars for cool-ranch-flavored food. According to scores of recent news articles, business has plummeted at the golf resort since Trump took office — it is perhaps not a coincidence that one of the speakers lined up for the conference happens to be Donald Trump Jr., who is allegedly one of the folks running the Trump Organization.

To make something of an understatement, the event will be really, really weird. The conference schedule includes many of Trump World's general hangers-on and bit players: the extremely jacked Judicial Watch guy Tom Fitton, Turning Point USA founder Charlie Kirk, Project Veritas head honcho and repeated lawsuit defendant James O'Keefe, et al. But the event lineup also includes people who hold, or once held, a certain amount of power, including former Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders and current Florida Congressman Matt Gaetz.

The event's agenda is, likewise, bizarre. Today's sessions seem like fairly normal political conference fare (there's a lesson on digital fundraising, for example), but the speeches set for Friday and Saturday include "Tyranny 2.0: How Google Influences Elections," "Memetics," "CO2: The Myth in Global Warming," "How the Left Has Poisoned Our Schools," and "The Left's LGBT Manipulation."

Frankly, though, the only thing that truly matters here is that, around 8 each night, the lizard people and hobgoblins attending this thing will apparently dance to some strange and absolutely mismatched nonsense. Tonight, Goonies actor Robert Davi will sing Frank Sinatra. Tomorrow night will bring something called the "AMPFest After Dark Carnival" (a cursed phrase if we ever read one), during which the semi-infamous pro-Trump EDM duo Milk N Cooks will apparently play sick tunes such as this one:

If, for whatever reason, you stumble upon, say, Dinesh D'Souza passed out with a lampshade on his head or Congressman Gaetz trying to do the worm, please do your patriotic duty and email New Times the footage.

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