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| Columns |

The Buffalo Bills Have the Worst Fans in the NFL

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The Miami Dolphins will travel to Buffalo this Saturday for a huge 1 p.m. game against the Bills. That makes this as good a time as any to remind you of something you no doubt have been fully aware of forever: Buffalo Bills fans are legitimately the craziest group of assholes in the NFL, and they are scaring the rest of us.

This Zubaz-wearing, ABC-plastic-jug-chugging mess of a fan base throws tailgates that look like the unholy offspring of Wrestlemania and a Donald Trump rally. They appear to be woefully unaware that Jackass stopped taking video submissions years ago.

The fact that Bills fans are a disgusting bunch is nothing new — Dolphins fans were keenly aware of this fact decades ago — but it's worth taking a stroll down the Buffalo Bills Fan Shenanigans Hall of Fame before the Dolphins make their annual trip to the Bills' homeland. Tailgates are known to be a place where lines get crossed, but Bills fans pick up that line, roll weed in it, and smoke it.

The list of reasons Bills fans have appeared on Deadspin over the past few years is actually quite impressive: They've been caught on video screwing one another's brains out in broad daylight at a tailgate and dropping trou to expose their pasty-white asses like a 4-year-old to take a piss in some bushes. They got caught doing Scarface rails in the crowd during a game, slap-boxing the shit out of one another just because, crashing their stupid faces into a parked bus, jumping off things into tables, sticking fingers in one another's asses in the crowd, and drinking booze out of each other's butts.

That's a paragraph full of some twisted shit. Dolphins fans might get into a fistfight here and there, but at least they are good at hiding their cocaine. To be fair, some of those incidents do seem like a good time, and it's possible other instances are just how people roll in Buffalo. We can't be sure, but it's quite possible that in Buffalo, drinking Fireball out of a woman's ass is considered a sign of endearment. We don't want to go stepping on others' cultural beliefs, so we'll let that one slide.

Bills fans' finest moment, however, might have come this season against the New England Patriots. A superclassy (and, let's be honest, hilarious) Bills fan threw a dildo right onto the field, right into the middle of a play. Yup, a Bills fan smuggled a huge rubber dick and balls in his pocket or his girl's purse. This makes us wonder if security is so used to finding dildos on Bills fans that they didn't see anything weird about it.

So as the Dolphins make their annual trip into this godforsaken pit of Michelob Light hell, remember how lucky you are, as a Miami Dolphins fan, to walk into a newly refurbished Hard Rock Stadium where people act civil. There are reasons that increasing numbers of people are deciding the Redzone Channel and their couch seem like a better idea than going to the game, and 74 of those reasons are Buffalo Bills fans.

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