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Survey: Miamians Are the Prettiest People in America, Just Not So Bright

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Travel + Leisure unleashed its annual survey of American travelers, and the magazine seems to think people in Miami are both hot as hell and dumb as hell.

The Big Orange took first place for most attractive people and second for most stylish city, and let me tell you I can't remember how many times I've walked into a normal, everyday place like a gas station and think, Woah, did I accidentally walk backstage at a fashion show? I just came here to get some morning coffee, but, *rawr*, I might be leaving with some morning something else if ya know what I'm talking about. (Wood, morning wood, is what I was talking about.)

I'm sure that happens to you all the time too, walking into places and acting like an idiot. That's probably because we're so easily confused on account of how stupid we are. We came in number 29 out of 30 in intelligence. We also came in 27th on the friendly scale. Yeah, well fuck you too, Travel + Lesiure.


As far as the city goes, visitors think it's a good place for a "romantic escape" or a "wild weekend," but not so great for family vacays, when you're on a budget, or as a cultural destination. It shouldn't be a shocker that we rank high for big-name luxury hotels and stylish botique hotels, but we don't appeal so much to the bed-and-breakfast set. 

We also ranked in the top ten for "cocktail hours," "singles/bar scene," and "live music/concerts and bands." Really? Travelers, next time you're in town, please let me know where all of this great live music is going down that somehow makes us better than 21 other major U.S. cities. 

Culturally, we do dismally, coming in 28th or 29th in all the categories. What stung the worst was 19th for "Museums/Galleries." Apparently tour buses aren't stopping in Wynwood, but how anyone seems to think cities such as Charleston, San Antonio, Nashville, Kansas City, and friggin' Cleveland have better galleries than we do, I'll never understand. 

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Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.