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South Beach Should Get Ready for a Black Strip Club on Ocean Drive

In the past two weeks, Miami Beach politicians and some residents have lost their minds over plans to open a club called King of Diamonds on Ocean Drive, the main drag of South Florida tourism.

Race may or may not be what's causing the uproar. In Miami Gardens, there's a strip club called King of Diamonds — one of the nation's best-known establishments of its kind — where mostly African-Americans go. But the location on 13th Street in South Beach "has nothing to do with the original," according to the Miami Gardens club's attorney.

Miami Beach has long allowed Club Madonna, which has a different clientele, to operate, even though the place was shut down for a time in 2014 when it was discovered that a 13-year-old was dancing there.

In any case, it's clear that out-of-towners looking to patronize our local gentlemanly establishments need guidance. So here goes:

Whether it's for a night out at a white or black strip club, you'll need at least $500. The difference is how you spend those five stacks. At a white strip club, a customer might take a dollar, ball it up, and toss it onto the stage, or he might hold the bill in his mouth and stuff it into a dancer's cleavage. No one is juicing him to buy a bottle, but he'll shell out $200 for tips and drinks.

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At a black strip club, customers are encouraged to spend money in the open, ideally a $200 bottle for the table and $300 in bills to shower strippers. Black strip clubs have private rooms too, but when you emerge from them, everybody looks at you as if you were a pervert.

The music selection and the featured entertainers are also different. DJs at white strip clubs play Top 40 electronic dance music, while those at black strip clubs play local rappers who can't get FM radio airplay.

At white strip clubs, the girls dance in slow motion, and their saline enhancements are on top and in the front. At black strip clubs, the dancers booty-shake fast, and additions are in the back.

Follow Luke on Twitter: @unclelukereal1.

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