Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that series.

Whoa, sorry we went Ricky Williams on you there for a minute. We're back from our sabbatical. We've done our yoga and gotten our massage license. Pass the nag champa. Let's get started.

Arrested: 6/1

Charged with: Out-of-county warrant, cocaine possession, intent to sell marijuana

Please don't be somebody's dad. Please don't be somebody's dad.

Arrested: 5/31

Charged with: Habitually driving with a suspended license

If the curtains match the drapes, we're in love.

Arrested: 5/28

Charged with: Strongarm robbery

We see teardrop tattoos so much we were starting to wonder if they really mean anything. With this guy, we're almost certain that they do. Maybe because otherwise he looks like a suburban baker/uncle, we're horrified.

Arrested: 5/31

Charged with: Aggravated battery with a deadly weapon

Hair rollers!

Arrested: 5/27

Charge with: Cocaine possession

Beard dreads!

Arrested: 6/2

Charged with: Cocaine Possession

Lesbo Hitler! Mugshot bingo!

Arrested: 5/25

Charged with: burglary of an unoccupied conveyance

God bless the hobos. You know how much this guy spends on his cell phone bill each month? Zero. He'd rather have, like, a hundred beers.

Arrested: 5/28

Charged with: Grand theft third degree

Did you know in most other counties they take away your sunglasses when you go to jail? Yeah, and they give you prison scrubs to wear instead of the clothes you wore to the club? Other counties are so fucking unstylish.

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Arrested: 5/27

Charged with: Burglary, grand theft, petty theft, dealing in stolen property

These incorrigible scamps were arrested together. They're like a Miami Thelma & Louise.

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