MTV has released the official trailer for the upcoming Miami-set season of Jersey Shore. We're about to bear witness to the atrocities that were committed in our city by the only people in the world who actually make our natives seem pale in comparison. In true guido style, it contains almost as many drunken cat fights (two) as obnoxious references to "I'm in Miami Bitch" (four). And that all happens in barely two minutes.
Snooki and Angelina battle over boring Vinnie, while Sammi and JWoww go head to head for the affection of only slightly less-boring Ronnie. None of them seems to realize these dudes are both pretty boring and horrible. Meanwhile, Mike "the Situation" comes to the horrible realization that there are actually ugly girls in Miami Beach. No! The Miami Beach mythos of all-hot-girls-all-the-time is about to be shredded to pieces in front of a national audience.
The real magic comes when Snooki is riding some sort of weird dog statue on the patio of the gelato place where they worked, and says, "It hurts my vagina," quickly followed by, "No, I like it."
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The season premieres July 29, so mark it on your calendar to make sure you can pretend you're too busy to watch it while secretly recording it.