Miami Priests Out to Prove They Like Women, Even If It Means Knocking Up a Stripper

The story of Father Cutié had all the makings of a Hollywood romantic comedy, albeit slightly subversive: Boy meets girl. Boy gets girl. Boy happens to be a celebrity Catholic priest. Boy and girl get caught frolicking on a beach. Boy leaves the church amid a media storm. Girl gets wedding band. Yadda, yadda, yadda. Happily ever after.

Then along comes Father David Dueppen, another Catholic priest, who for a time was stationed at the same South Beach church as Cutié. Though not as famous as "Father Oprah," Dueppen has a story that makes up for it in pure batshit insanity. According to CBS4, Dueppen also fell for a lady: a stripper he met at a club named Porky's.

Beatrice Hernandez, the pole dancer, soon found herself in a relationship with the father, knowing full well what his day job entailed. The priest paid for her divorce, left her, had the church pay her off, came crawling back after trawling every strip club in town, knocked her up, and then left her again.

Oh, there's also this: 

"He was telling me that I had evil spirits with me and that I needed his help big time," she recalled. "He said we're going to have to go to a place where they can take those evil spirits from you. I said, 'What do you mean?' And he said, 'A swingers' club.'"

What would a swinger's club have to do with excising her evil spirits? 

"He said, 'The only way the spirits are going to leave you is if you get involved with women.' I said, 'David, I'm not into women."

So now Hernandez, backed by a paternity test that shows with 99.99999 accuracy the priest is the father of her baby girl, is seeking child support and a restraining order against him. There are also some other details in the CBS4 report, such as the fact Hernandez was arrested this summer for allegedly stalking the priest's new girlfriend.

But, man, the Archdiocese of Miami doesn't come off looking well. It knew about the relationship as far back as 2005 and paid $100,000 to Hernandez in a settlement. Yet the archdiocese still allowed the priest to keep preaching, and transferred him to a church in Broward. Earlier this year, however, Dueppen quietly asked to be put on leave.

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Kyle Munzenrieder