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| Crime |

Jorge Mario Aguirre Provides a New Contender For Miami's Craziest Mugshot

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In November, Riptide introduced the world to the man known by cops as "Half a Head" because he was missing the entire front of his cranium. Yeah, that was a crazy mugshot, perhaps never to be topped.

But wait. Let's all take a long look at this dude's face.

Jorge Mario Aguirre, 24, was driving around on August 20 when a cop pulled him over for having overly tinted windows. The officer allegedly found half a bar of Xanax in his car. The charges were eventually dropped, but the mug shot survived. We tried to contact Aguirre to ask him about his ink but he's a very hard man to track down. Let's take a closer look:

Okay, so he's got the title of an obscure Robert Downey, Jr. film where his eyebrows should be, a Ricky Martin song for a moustache, and an area code for a goatee. Then there's an oil tower (?) for a nose, the rest of his face is covered in what look like gangsta versions of those tiny little puffy stickers of unicorns and pots of gold our sister used to put on our bunkbed, and his torso and arms are scrawled with random slogans and doodles. His skin resembles the high school notebook of a kid with artistic talent and a critically severe case of ADD.

We've been staring at Aguirre's face for the last two hours and we've finally, after much deliberation, decided: We kind of like what he did with the place. It might turn off potential employers and probably frighten abuelas. But it is definitely, without a doubt, Miami embodied.

(Those of you who are wondering why we didn't just throw Aguirre's mug in with tomorrow's Mugshot Fridays: He was arrested too long ago. There are rules in this thing of ours. And besides, he earned his own post.)

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