Florida Legislature Wants to Put Teens Who Sext More Than Four Times Behind Bars for Five Years

A bill that defines sexting as its own distinct crime is gliding through the Florida House. While the bill would shield horny teens from harsher child pornography laws, repeat offenders could wind up in jail for up to five years. 

The bill defines sexting as the use of "a computer or any other device capable of electronic data transmission or distribution, to transmit or distribute to another person any photograph of him/herself which depicts nudity and is harmful to minors" or the possession of "a photo or video that was transmitted or distributed by another minor."

Teens sending a nip slip or cock shot will get eight hours of community service and a $25 fine for the first offense. A second time nets a minor 60 days in jail and a $500 fine; a third offense brings a year in jail and a $1,000 fine. If you get caught a fourth time, the crime becomes a third-degree felony, which carries a maximum of five years in jail and a $5,000 fine.

Sigh. Kids today, with all of their technology and unrestrained horniness. Can't they just get their exhibitionism out the way we used to? Which was to have the creepy guy hanging around the 7-Eleven get you a six-pack of Mike's Hard Lemonade, and then plan to "accidentally" flash everyone in the hot tub during Tommy Jacobson's next party when his parents are out of town.

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Kyle Munzenrieder