A small dead shark was found riding a subway car in New York City this week. The New York Post literally began its story with the cliche "Only in New York." Seriously. That was the lead.
Umm, dead sharks riding public rail transit is like soooooo four years ago.
Yes, a dead shark rode Miami's free Metromover train in 2009. It was even bigger than New York's subway shark. At the time, one blogger declared it an "Only in Miami" moment while quoting from the Miami Herald:
"The door opened and the shark was sitting by the front of the door," said Mae Singerman, a 24-year-old musician who was practicing for a show on the Metromover platform. "I didn't see a reason to call police," Singerman said. "It's Miami. Stranger things have happened. The doors shut, and then we forgot about it."
"We looked at him; he didn't really say anything," Sandy Goodrich, a Miami legal secretary, said of the man clutching the shark. "I was just so freaked out about the shark on the floor."
So sick of these New York City poseurs trying to pretend like they invented shark-on-train-weirdness.
Only in New York would there be a shark on a train. Proud to say I'm from there. #NoPlaceLikeHome— Clay Meyocks (@ClayMeyocks) August 8, 2013
How the hell does a shark get in the subway? Only in New York..— Anthony Donahue (@AnthonyMSG) August 7, 2013
It's like someone possibly high on bath salts could eat another dude's face off next to a highly traveled street in the middle of the day and New Yorkers would be like "LOL, only in New York."
Let it go, New York. You're no longer the king of weird (you're not even that cool anymore). The only thing that happens "only in New York" anymore is that you pay $2,600 a month for a 400-square-foot walkup in an old building with no amenities.
Like, seriously. Austin, Texas' motto may be "Keep Austin weird." Miami's is "Actually, could we get Miami to be just a little less weird? We all know it won't happen, but could we at least try?"
Chances are if something weird in New York happens anymore, something very similar already happened in Miami, except weirder.
We are now living in the era of "Only in Miami." Get used to it, America. We're the new king of weird big cities now. Bow down and kiss our weird ring. Kiss it weirdly.