Justin Bieber's "Boyfriend" Video: An Extremely Detailed Breakdown

Justin Bieber has been such a little tease lately.

He got us all worked up with his new grown-and-sexy single "Boyfriend." But until yesterday, all we could do was fantasize about his new barely-legal moves and watch a few 20-second video clips.

Finally, though, the official "Boyfriend" video has been released. It's already got more than 2.3 million views on YouTube. But now it's time for Crossfade's extremely detailed breakdown. Expect lots of cars, girls, boyish smiles, and comparisons to Justin Timberlake.


These sets look familiar. It's the same type of imagery we got in our little teaser gems. There's water, booming speakers, women with cool finger rings, and Justin being all cute and stuff.


Whoa, who are these bitches? Everything is yellower now. Nice car. They're watching the teaser on their smart phone, very much like how I did a million times with people far less interested than myself.


WHAT THE FUCK? Justin did a J/K on us. The video is restarting for real now. Apparently, the parking lot is the actual setting of this video. What about all those fire and water scenes we were promised? Lies.


We still like the Biebz rapping and saying swag. He doesn't come off as gangsta or anything. But it's adorable when white boys say swag.


Bieber is about that parking lot pimpin'. Remember when we said this made us think a lot of Justin Timberlake's break-out solo hit "Girlfriend"? Well, the comparisons keep coming. If you remember, JT's video also featured a lot of fancy cars in a parking lot full of hoes.


For some reason, we can't take Justin Bieber seriously when he's trying to be sexy with this girl. She's grinding up on him, and he's so stiff you'd think he'd never touched a butt before in his life. We want to see some serious dry humping, Bieber. Like middle school all over again.


Break out the acoustic guitar! Because Justin Beiber is that guy at the parking lot party.


Bieber takes the girl to the backseat and croons softly to her. But instead of trying to cop a feel, he just wants to love and treat her right. C'mon, boy ... Make some moves. We're legal now, Bieber. Put it down on us.


Yes! Dance circle time! Look at these sweet moves. Look at these awesome hydraulics. Look at chunky Bieber! A little Michael Jackson in that dance routine, no?


Credits, boring! Why is this part even on here? Oh, legal technicalities? That's dumb. MOAR BIEBER!

We wish it was a little sexier, or that Bieber was believable as an on-screen boyfriend. Maybe he's just really a nice guy. What we need now is for Selena Gomez to break his heart. Then we'll get his version of "Cry Me A River" and that will push him over the edge. Until then, our fantasies are relegated to hand holding.

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Kat Bein is a freelance writer and has been described as this publication’s "senior millennial correspondent." She has an impressive, if unhealthy, knowledge of all things pop culture.