| Columns |

Five Reasons Will.i.am Is the Most Embarrassing Pop Star of Our Generation

Keep New Times Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Miami and help keep the future of New Times free.

Will.i.am is one of the world's most popular musicians, which is very strange considering he's also one of the worst pop stars on the planet.

What do we mean by "worst?" Well, he continually proves himself to be an untalented, unintelligible hack. His lyric writing abilities -- as showcased on chart-topping Black Eyed Peas records -- are elementary at best. He's the kind of person who thinks slogans are a language and hashtags are a way of life.

Not totally convinced? Let us show you the worst of the worst moment in will.i.am history. Warning: You might die of laughter.

5. He's Incredibly Over-Dramatic

What. Is. This? Will.i.am thinks remixing the three-second Entertainment Tonight theme song is as big of a deal as remixing the Star Wars anthem. ZOMG, he is so nervous to rework this "classic." And why wouldn't he be? He adds a freaking pop beat to six notes. This is certainly what we would call an "historic" moment.

In his own words: "ET is all new; fresh; remixed; washed off; bubble bath; fresh getting ready to go - wha wha!" BTW, this is one of about seven different clips documenting this absurd fucking moment in time.

4. He's Not Very Talented IRL

This pep rally is the funniest thing we've ever seen. What the hell is he saying? He knows the future, but he doesn't know the words to his own song. How high is he during this whole presentation? Do you hear how awful this singing is? What is he staring at? Where is his brain?! But don't worry, they were able to fix everything up in post...

Yeah... Okay... That happened?

3. He's Suing Pharrell for No Good Reason

Pharrell is a guy who really brings something unique and special to the universe. From his trend-setting productions with Neptunes and N.E.R.D, to his beautiful never-aging body, to his totally hip style, and now this brilliant YouTube channel, i am OTHER.

Of course, if someone rad is doing something groundbreaking, will.i.am is going to come poop all over it. He thinks Pharrell is stealing his steez and feels, legally, he is the only one who can use the "I AM" brand. He thinks it's going to take oomph away from his I.am clothing line, and all the rest of the stuff that he is so well-known for... Apparently, this situation was brewing for a while, and instead of talk it out, will.i.am is taking Pharrell to court. Not a cool move, bro.

2. He Thinks India Speaks English, But Uses a Different Alphabet. Calls Languages "Fonts"

As you watch this next clip, actually published by the Wall Street Journal, ask yourself: "What the fuck is will.i.am saying?" We don't know, either. India should have a talk with this fool.

He's Just a Sell-Out. He Really Could Do So Much Better

Depending on what year you graduated high school, you may or may not remember that the Black Eyed Peas used to be a critically-acclaimed conscious rap group. Throughout the late '90s and early 2000s, BEPs were fresh as fuck and had mad love from the underground. When Fergie joined the group in the mid-2000s, all hell broke loose. That was the moment will.i.am sold his soul to commercialism.

Look, he's clearly a man of taste, and we'll give it to him that he's fashionably and musically progressive-minded, so how come everything he's put out in the last decade is a steaming pile of shit? We're mostly upset because we think will.i.am has gotten lazy. Bro, you could be so much better. #SMH

Follow Crossfade on Facebook and Twitter @Crossfade_SFL.

Keep Miami New Times Free... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Miami with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.