Attack of the Screaming Foreheads

Stop pounding Omega-3 pills. It’s not the brain that holds human’s intellectual stamina, it’s the .3mm piece of skin in front of it known as the forehead. Scientist were alerted to this fact after alien foreheads –looking a lot like talking, crawling chicken cutlets – invaded and controlled a small…

Dream Team

If you’re among those who cited having a religious experience while witnessing Jennifer Hudson belt out “And I Tell You I’m Not Going” in the 2006 film Dreamgirls, hold on to your rosary. Another Effie, now played by Moya Angela, will shake, tremble, and sing her way through that heartbreak…

The New Jordan Rule: Shut it Up!

Miamians love Michael Jordan. So much so, in fact, that we took the extraordinary step of retiring His Airness’s jersey in our own arena, even though his only lasting legacy here was sweeping the Miami Heat out of its first playoff series in 1992. No worries. We wanted to be…

Golfing With the Tribe

Golf is generally a sport most people ignore unless there’s a juicy sex scandal involved. Otherwise, it’s not all that interesting. This is especially true when Rick Reilly is somehow involved. (Look at me! I’m terrible at golf! Just like you! But unlike you, I get paid millions to write…

Mystery Dates for Lovers…of Art

Want to be an art collector? Better begin with some cash — not an exorbitant amount, just enough to start your collection. And, of course, enough to sign up for the Museum of Contemporary Art’s Mystery Dates on Saturday. Despite its titillating title, Mystery Dates is not a new-fangled speed-dating…

Oh My Tosh

So you’ve filmed a kitten sleeping in a teacup, set it on fire, and performed a choreographed dance with your drunk uncle to a Justin Bieber song behind the inferno. Then you uploaded it to YouTube and got a bunch of diggs, but now PETA is pounding on the door…

Bard of Liberty City

The streets of Liberty City can be mean enough. Try navigating them while enduring the bullying that comes with the realization you are gay. Tarell Alvin McCraney survived the experience, and the world gained one of its most promising playwrights. “Some lessons are hard. Those were the harder ones,” McCraney…

Tweens Get an Elixir

If you’re a celebrity and have more than 100,000 Twitter followers, you’re probably hawking some kind of product. These days, it’s all about books. Forget Jenny McCarthy — there’s another blond celebutante in town this week shilling her new tome: Hilary Duff. She might have starred with the rest of…

Pervy Plies

When master ballet choreographer George Balanchine unveiled Bugaku in 1962, audiences were stunned by what critics have called the sexiest show in ballet. Borrowing from ancient Japanese classical dance, the ballet enacts a marriage rite set to the music of famed pan-Asian composer Mayuzami. In other words, two dancers get…

Fondle Your Nonfiction

In the past, the words blondes and books rarely went together. Nowadays, that just isn’t the case. With ladies such as Lauren Conrad and Chelsea Handler topping the New York Times best-seller list, it seems that even those with great hair genes (or a superb colorist) can achieve book stardom…

The Virgin Monologues

Much like sex, the Internet is a microcosm of human emotion. There are those who seek unity and connection, and those who’d like to nurture lonely wounds in a vacuous space of anonymity. Consider myfirsttime.com, where since 1998 more than 40,000 people have uploaded memories of their initial angst-ridden, sweetly…

Lost in Wonderland

Like Alice in Wonderland fallen down the rabbit hole, artist Kanako Sasaki finds herself alone in beautiful spaces. The Japanese artist is often the subject in her photo exhibit “Wanderlust,” showing through October 30 at Dina Mitrani Gallery. It’s easy to imagine her in pursuit of a talking white rabbit…

Krave Drawings

Ever walk into an art gallery, see something like a pile of beer cans tied together with piano wire floating in a puddle of soup, and wonder what the fuck is so artful about it? Maybe you’d be more into illustration. It’s what local monkey proliferator Krave describes as “art…

Village of a Million Corpses

The south tip of the USA has always been possessed: South Florida greed, South Florida debauchery, the mayhem. The Sunshine State can be dark, horrific, and haunting — and so will be the War Memorial on Friday and Saturday. The Village of Horrors 2010 has gotten inspiration from many dreadful…

Death, Like a Tiger

In South Dade, entrails swing from tree limbs slimed with pancreatic juices that drip into puddles of bile. The Devil loves your sodden, rotten body’s anguish at suburban living hell. This ghost season, visit Zoo Miami for Dr. Wilde’s Creepy House, a 7,000-square-foot tribute to horrid abjection that opens this…

Buttered-Up Falcon

Rich, creamy, and sinfully saturated. Yes, you can describe butter this way, and it’s also a good description of the Butter Gallery in Wynwood. Edgy and dedicated gallery director Francisco “Paco” De La Torre presents Miami-based artist Rick Falcon’s second solo exhibition, “Living to Die, Dying to Live.” He pours…

Double Helix as Art

Xavier Cortada desperately needs your DNA — for his show, that is. With the public’s help, he plans to create a live DNA strand in a petri dish. “I am working with 400 museum visitors who will leave their DNA as part of the exhibit,” he explains. “I am creating…

Bait and Switch

Miami’s two powerhouse track selectors are arguably Cedric Gervais and DJ Irie. One is a French-born house-music demigod; the other is a hip-hop entrepreneur and the official Miami Heat DJ. But can the two still be successful behind the decks if things are shaken up a bit? LIV intends to…

Vagina Is For Lovers

James Victore is a controversial graphic designer who makes images that are engaging, direct, and really freaking neat.It’s easy to understand why this artist named his book Victore or, Who Died and Made You Boss? As cocky a title as it seems, he’s just that good. His trusting clients range…

Animal House

Sara Gruen’s newest novel, Ape House, tells the story of a group of primates on prime time, and we’re not talking about the Situation and Pauly D. The main characters are bonobos, little chimps that grow up communicating with their caretakers through American Sign Language. After an explosion rocks their…

Klaus Ottmann Talks Yves Klein at Whale & Star

© Yves Klein, ADAGP, ParisOne man blue man group, Yves Klein.​In William Gibson’s novel Zero History, the protagonist Hubertus Bigend has a suit made of International Klein Blue, a deep indigo pigment, which is based on the blue in Madonna’s robes and impossible to replicate on computer screens. You can…

Who Wants Free Tickets to House of Horror? Yeah You Do

​Scared to go the mall? You should be. The threat level now extends beyond the roaming droves of sticky tweens, credit card-sucking price tags, and stomach-churning, food court cuisine. At the Miami International Mall, yes that place in Doral, heathens have taken over the parking lot for the month-long House…