A delusional actress shoots her boy toy and then mistakes the news cameras for those of a movie set: “I’m ready for my closeup, Mr. DeMille!” But in stark contrast to Sunset Boulevard’s Norma Desmond, director Cecil B. DeMille actually survived Hollywood’s transition from silent movies to talkies without flipping…
Ding-ding. It’s the sound of your daughter’s instant messenger. You might think she’s trading LOLs with friends, but in reality, FriendlyOldGuy69 is telling her how mature she sounds and how much he’d like to meet her. One night, she doesn’t come home. The police start asking if she spent a…
When Carlos Mencia first brought racist road signs, Peter Boyle reading hate mail, and terrorist snacks to the American television audience in July 2005, certain critics slagged him as Comedy Central’s cheap replacement for Dave Chappelle. No doubt, there were a few too many similarities between Mind of Mencia and…
If you’ve never taken a trip to Palmetto Bay, you should make it a point to hit up the sprawling greens of Deering Estate at Cutler for the Labor Day Blues Picnic. Coming at the tail-end of three months of steamy heat, the federal holiday marks the time of year…
Ever since Dave Chappelle abandoned the throne of funniest person alive, comedians from all over the nation have been vying for the crown. This Sunday at 8 p.m., catch some of the candidates when the Best of the South Comedy Tour lands at the James L. Knight Center. The show…
Charles Bukowski said, “Never get out of bed before noon.” Take the lowlife laureate’s advice a step further and stay in bed until at least 2 p.m. this Sunday — that is, if you plan on racing in the 1-800-411-PAIN Great Grove Bed Race. Homemade, bedazzled beds will rattle along…
We could take the easy way out and tell you Los Dictados del Fuego is a play about lesbian nuns set in 1667. That alone might be enough to make you want to see it. Just to clinch the deal, we should also mention the mother superior herself experiences a…
We could take the easy way out and tell you Los Dictados del Fuego is a play about lesbian nuns set in 1667. That alone might be enough to make you want to see it. Just to clinch the deal, we should also mention the mother superior herself experiences a…
The Fort Lauderdale International Film Festival will hold a 75th-anniversary celebration for 20th Century Fox, and there’s no better way to kick it off than with the Citizen Kane of the teen comedy genre: Porky’s. Because the movie was filmed right in our own back yard — specifically Miami Senior…
Dissatisfied with your humdrum, run-of-the-mill youth soccer experience? If so, the Adidas Miami Super Cup 2010 is here to kick highly competitive football right in your face. Forget those weekend kiddie soccer leagues with juice boxes and orange goal cones, because this youth soccer tournament is four days of intense,…
We live in a pretty politically correct world. If you say anything outside of the box, get ready to be chopped to pieces. Luckily for us, there are a few people who don’t give shit about the PC police. Josh Blue is one of those men. You might know Blue…
The Florida Marlins are notorious for trading away good players just as they’re hitting their stride and making a name for themselves. Usually, the Marlins get a handful of minor-leaguers for their trouble. And while it infuriates the fans to see this happen every year, the powers that be point…
Like black mold, there’s something strange creeping into our sacred civic institutions. Imagine for a minute that the Miami Art Museum floods with swamp sludge and the walls bloom spotty fungal murals. Local weirdos — Kevin Arrow, Jim Drain, Guerra de la Paz, Adler Guerrier, Beatriz Monteavaro, Frances Trombly, and…
The average lifespan of a show on Comedy Central is only slightly longer than that of the common housefly. So when channel execs pulled the plug on David Alan Grier’s Chocolate News just two months after its debut, no one was particularly surprised. Fortunately for Grier (or DAG, as he’s…
After the University of Miami began its 2009 season with a pair of wins, dealing back-to-back ass-kickings to rival Florida State and always-tough Georgia Tech, quarterback Jacory Harris announced he would wear a pimp suit to the Heisman Trophy ceremony. And that’s how the U got its swagger back. But…
The demise of Bella Rose seems to have given Kill Your Idol exclusive property rights to a certain slice of South Beach. With almost zero competition, the bar has latched onto the area’s street scene. In a space that was once home to house-head fave Blue and then the abomination…
South Beach is a great place to pretend you’re someone you’re not. You wanna be a hoochie? Hit up a club on Washington. You’re a burgeoning cougar? Get down to the sand and display your newest boob job. Pretending you’re a baller? There’s a stretch Hummer waiting for you outside…
Who’s ready for the scenester version of Where’s Waldo? These Joaquin Phoenix posters have been popping up in select cities with the pacing of a movie release. First they hit New York and Los Angeles, then Chicago and Boston, and as of this weekend, they’ve appeared in our very own…
Doesn’t it suck when you go audition for serious cable drama and your face ends up in somebody else’s crotch? With six drinks, three Quaaludes, a paycheck, and some half-clever editing, it could happen to you! OK, not really. Here’s a tip to all the Brookes of the world: When…
Even a couple of years ago, when he was laid up in a hospital bed with a kidney ailment, Purvis Young never quit railing against the injustices that fueled his work. In the summer of 2008, Miami’s best-known artist told New Times that the presidential primaries were providing fertile fodder…
We start off this episode with the great news that Kristen isn’t going home. When she does her walk of shame into the house, she looks pretty wrecked, obviously hung over as balls, and we have to love her for it. Here’s a shocker: Erica’s pissed to see her back…
The illustrious Fashion’s Night Out was created by the original devil wearing Prada, Anna Wintour. The Editrix-in-Chief, who sports the best bob in the business, knows exactly how to ease a shopping lull during a recession: Add sales incentives with celebrity sightings, and stir in a little booze. Keep adding…
