Hello, Kitty: My girlfriend and I are lesbians with a wonderful sex life — or at least I thought we had one before last week, when she told me she wants to experiment with a dildo. We already play with feathers and blindfolding, but that’s about as far as we…
She’s too thin. She’s a bobble-head. Her forehead doesn’t move. Where has that Jerry Maguire girl gone, the one we once knew and loved? Did the Oscar from Cold Mountain ruin her forever? Or is Kenny Chesney to blame? It’s not easy being America’s sweetheart. Nor any easier being Lucy…
The original Underworld, released six years ago, introduced a high-concept/low-excitement war between vampires in fetish gear and videogame-caliber werewolves — and “in the spirit of equanimity,” someone wrote at the time, “the movie both sucks and bites.” No such draw here: This deadly prequel explaining the roots of the bloodsucker-fangface…
The folks at Miami Beach Cinematheque and locally beloved cineaste Dana Keith know a thing or two about high-quality art films. Keith’s adult life has been dedicated to selecting and screening the best of the best for audiences of local culture hounds. So when we learned just how psyched he…
This is Miami-Dade County, home of Chevys riding high, but you ain’t a real big-timer until you’re sittin’ on 66-inch tires and you’ve got 1,475 horsepower on a 540 Merlin engine. That’s Gravedigger, the most famous monster truck in the world. And you can see it live at Dolphin Stadium…
Dr. Etti Ben-Zion comes across as a bit of a new-age hippie. During a recent interview, New Times got lost in her mystical jargon. She utters phrases like “You need to feel that your love bucket is filled with golden nectar” and “be the goddess.” It might be tough for…
If the Magic City’s image is all about tits and ass, then the MiMo neighborhood scored big time when a refurbished vintage 1970s Coppertone billboard was recently posted on the side of an office building on 73rd Street. The familiar image features a doggy tugging at the bikini bottom of…
Blockbuster stores, megaplexes, and gargantuan vats of butter-soaked popcorn have turned the cinema experience from a cozy cultural happening into a journey into the belly of the beast. An economical beast without a soul, that is. The theaters and festivals that dare to display the reels that can’t score the…
Blame it on our sedentary, preservative-filled lifestyle or the unattainable standards of beauty that bombard our psyche, but we sorta think a trip under the knife might help us love ourselves a little more. A nip-nip here and a tuck-tuck there, and we’d be as happy as Kelly Ripa. But…
Spanning the art of the ancient Mayans and Aztecs to 20th-century masters, a new exhibit at the Lowe Art Museum unveils the rich and varied tradition of 3,500 years of Mexican art and culture. This Friday night at 7, “Las Artes de México: From the Collection of the Gilcrease Museum”…
Some think of it as nothing more than a glorified strut down an empty walkway, but a closer look reveals that fashion shows are pure theatrics. From the perfectly sculpted figures — also known as “models” — down to the clock that times each entrance and every wardrobe change, it’s…
For the third year running, Miami is preparing for an influx of both Ohio musicians and the occasional funky hairstyle. Given that the regular music scene in Miami consists of a puzzling mixture of house music and sad-sack street musicians drumming on trashcans, the Cleveland Orchestra is welcome to fill…
In his fleeting 42 years of life, Elvis Presley became the ultimate rock and roll idol. Everyone has a favorite image of Elvis, and there’s a Halloween costume for every personality — whether it’s sneering, gyrating, and truncated at the waist on the Ed Sullivan Show; pouty-lipped in an Army…
Throughout South Florida, calf muscles quiver. These naked lower legs are just one casualty of the impending WAKA Kickball season. As adults clamor to reclaim their favorite recess sport, local merchants face a tragic shortage of tube socks, Dixie cups (for Jell-O shots), and ironic sweatbands of every hue. FEMA…
There’s a bar for every kind of person in Coconut Grove. Underage boozehounds line up to get carded at The Tavern, while the MILF set gets tipsy at Mr. Moe’s. The seen-be-scenesters kick it on the corner at Green Street, and nobody knows who the heck is still getting soused…
The puff paint on his Christian Audigier hat glistens under the sexy lighting at Red Room, and the crowd is transfixed by his drunken confidence. His boyish grin suggests he might sing a little Enrique, but his spiky hair disagrees and makes the crowd think he’ll choose ’N Sync. Yeah,…
Maybe Miss Manners and Emily Post ate brunch at 11 a.m. each Sunday, but a life of late-night debauchery completely eliminates the idea of breakfast and causes the hermaphrodite of meals to appear on the menu. We love brunch because it’s confused as to whether it wants to ply us…
When it comes to breaking the law in Miami, no place is sacred. The greasy claw of crime will dig its fingernails in anywhere. Churches and synagogues? Be damned. Schools and hospitals? Fair game. That apparently doesn’t stop at the bathroom door. Our classy city’s latest claim to fame: The…
Jim NortonWith Amy SchumerWednesday, January 21The Lincoln Theater, Miami BeachBetter Than: Cheech & Chong’s show around the corner, maybeThe Review:It’s unclear whether the big, bad economy can be blamed for the less-than-full turnout at Jim Norton’s South Beach Comedy Festival gig last night at the Lincoln Theater. Plenty of people…
This semi-awkward shot seems to be the favored press photo accompanying coverage of the return of new episodes of USA’s Burn Notice. Yes, it looks like a paparazzi shot of some unknown-in-America European power couple enjoying champers in spandex. Which is enticing in its own way, I suppose, but really…
Russian Dreams … Through February 8. Bass Museum of Art, 2121 Park Ave., Miami Beach; 305-673-7530, www.bassmuseum.org. Tuesday through Saturday 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. Sunday 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. At the Bass, this selection of cutting-edge works by contemporary Russian artists — which includes painting, photography, video, and…
Alain Guerra and Neraldo de la Paz are not the type to gingerly test the depths of mythology. Instead the Miami-based pair has plunged headfirst into the unknown, seeking to fathom the common lore that binds humanity in an Ariadne’s thread across the globe. At the Carol Jazzar Gallery in…
