No Place Like Oz

So in the end, it was just some guy sitting behind a curtain, tweaking knobs, and pushing buttons. But the Land of Oz was grand while it lasted. A Technicolor world where you could off bad people by dropping houses on them and then steal their fancy magic shoes before…

We Do Haiku: Artists Wax Poetic About Lack of Arts Funding

When life gives you a dearth of arts funding, make haikus! The Knight Foundation and the University of Wynwood recently cosponsored “Do You Haiku” — a contest to find the best haikus written about the impact of Miami-Dade’s lack of arts funding. They received a grand response; it turns out…

Big in Japan, Huge in Jerusalem

What do you call a sumo wrestler who speaks Hebrew? Herzl! Well, that’s what you call him in the film A Matter of Size — ’cause that’s his name. Herzl is a 340-pound Israeli dishwasher who decides to forgo dieting to waddle around in a faux-loincloth wedgie and throw down…

Books That Suck

We know what you’re thinking. Who needs another vampire book series? But word on the street is that The Vampire Academy is on an entirely different playing field than Twilight. Bella’s whole damsel-in-distress shtick annoyed a lot of modern gals, but in The Vampire Academy, Rose shows no signs of…

Start the Year With a “Bam!”

Sure, you could just wander into the kitchen and watch your mom slice an onion, or you could sit in a giant concert hall and gawk at celebrity chefs mincing garlic. Following other Food Network stars such as Anthony Bourdon and Eric Ripert, Emeril Lagasse will end season two of…

All They Want to Do Is Dance

So they think they can dance. Well, of course they do — they’re professionals. This week, actual dancers from around the globe (and not reality TV, hoofin’ hacks) descend on Miami for WinterFest 2009, a weeklong program of hip-hop, modern, ballet, and Latin dance performances and workshops sponsored by the…

Booty Call of the Wild

In a video that’s one part Lancôme commercial, three parts Discovery Channel, and seven parts Michel Gondry music video, Isabella Rossellini, clad in a giant squid costume, utters, “I would give the most passionate 20-arm embrace… 20? Eighteen. Two are not arms, if you know what I mean.” Rossellini, who…

Ooh, This Is So FLIFFy!

Jet packs are passé; imagine a future where you can get a wrist implant that counts down to the moment when you will meet your soulmate. Such is the case in TiMER, a sci-fi romantic comedy that opens the 24th annual Fort Lauderdale Film Festival. This Friday at 7 p.m…

Witches… All of them witches!

Nothing says filthy rich like having your very own movie theater in your house. Until that day comes, fake it by attending film screenings at the Viceroy’s intimate 30-person theater at the Spa at Icon Brickell. This Saturday, nestle in for a screening of Rosemary’s Baby, which spurned not only…

The Fabric of our Lives

Finally there’s a way to fill in that long pause between Project Runway episodes: The Miami Beach Cinematheque’s Funkshion Fashion Week 2009 film series is showing documentaries about fashion heavy weights like Largerfeld, Valentino and Chanel this weekend. On Saturday, catch the 7 p.m. screening of Yves Saint Laurent: 5…

This Is Amore

A portrait of decadent life in Rome — complete with a love triangle, hard drugs, and elaborate costume changes — is the opening-night flick of the Italian Film Festival this Friday at 7:30 p.m. at Regal Cinemas South Beach (1120 Lincoln Rd., Miami Beach). Parlami d’Amore (or Talk to Me…

It’s All About the Music

If you’re a fan of orchestral maneuvers in the dark, head to the opening night of the 26th annual Festival Miami, the University of Miami’s Frost School of Music’s shindig that runs October 2 through 30. This Friday at 8 p.m., UM’s Frost Symphony Orchestra and faculty will celebrate the…

The Next Big Thing

Send those blues packing the last Monday of each month with a free film screening at the lovely, wonderfully hip Standard Hotel. Nestled on that pristine and quiet strip that is the Venetian Causeway, the boutique hotel offers fresh, hipster-ific events, healthful foods, yoga, and, yes, free films. This Monday…

The Revolution Will Be Televised

Some people might dismiss American Idol as vacuous entertainment, but what if voting for your favorite contestant was an act of political defiance? When viewers of Afghan Star, a copycat show in Afghanistan, vote with their cell phones, they risk the wrath of the Taliban, which would like to suppress…

The Re-Rebirth of Soul

Did you lose your ticket to Oprah’s Legends Ball? Then you have no business missing out on Icons & Legends at the African Heritage Cultural Arts Center this Saturday at 7 p.m. Rising neo-soul artist Emotion will perform his original tracks along with music from legendary entertainers such as Nat…

Sweatin’ to the Oldies

If you ain’t nothin’ but a hound dog, you might want to check out the jukebox musical Smokey Joe’s Café at the University of Miami’s Ring Theatre this Wednesday at 8 p.m. Rock ‘n’ roll standards “Hound Dog,” “Stand by Me,” and “Love Potion No. 9” were the products of…

Lively Up Yourself

It’s time to chase those crazy baldheads out of town. Catch the Florida premiere of RiseUp, a film that pays homage to Jamaica’s rich reggae tradition, this Friday at 8 p.m. at the Adrienne Arsht Center’s Carnival Studio Theater. The film, which won Best Music Documentary at Silverdocs, traces the…

Get a Clue

Cadavers, maggots, flesh-eating beetles… are you still reading? Then you might have a stomach strong enough to enjoy the nauseating yet fascinating “CSI: Crime Scene Insects” exhibit at the Miami Science Museum. At a crime scene, the presence of certain creepy-crawlies can help investigators ascertain a death’s timing, location, and…

Baila Me

Azúcar! If your hips start moving at the mere mention of Celia Cruz, Queen of Salsa, put on your dancing shoes and get on over to the eighth annual Miami Salsa Congress at the Miami Beach Resort and Spa. This Saturday, the mad, hot ballroom events will include salsa cardio…

The Rhythm of the Night

If you’re into crazy freeform jazz, get your kicks this Sunday during Straight Jazz/No Chaser, an outdoor concert at the SoBe Institute of the Arts, located in the historic Carl Fisher Clubhouse. Cool off the thick July air by grooving to the sounds of Dei 7, a project of jazz…

The Walrus Was Paul

What’s that you say, ma’am? You’re nostalgic for bowl haircuts? You love dead pop stars credited with changing the course of popular music? Well, you’re in luck. The Beatles tribute band the Fab Faux will play the Parker Playhouse this Saturday, and no Yoko Ono in the world can stop…

Itsy-Bitsy Art

The history of the swimsuit is really the history of the women’s movement. Early suits with bloomers and caps were made of wool even though they got heavy — and smelly — when wet. The 1920s bathing beauties, armed with the right to vote, donned clingy numbers that revealed —…