Film & TV

Skyfall's Javier Bardem Will Not Father Your Child, Remains a Handsome, Spooky James Bond Villain

Imagine this: Javier Bardem stops by your place unexpectedly, and he just won't leave. You have a pleasant enough chat about his role as the villain in the new James Bond film, Skyfall, opening today. "Everything has to make sense with the story you're telling," he says. "Otherwise it is a firework without meaning."

But though Bardem is charming and handsome and has some great stories, you have places to go.

See also:
- Daniel Craig Talks Bond's Homosexual Past, Charms Our Pants Off

So how do you get the actor to clear from the room within 20 seconds? Well, one way would be to ask if he is considering a stud-for-hire service aimed at spinsters who want to carry his guaranteed to be at-least-half-handsome child. (We learned that the hard way.)

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B. Caplan