Who says Miami's not an international trendsetter?
Right now, the Fall 2012 ready-to-wear collections are showing in the
tents at New York Fashion Week. Fashionistas that we are, we've been tracking all the action. And though much of what we've seen has been that typical New York black-and-grey boringness, a few designers did seem to have Miami on their minds as they planned their collections.
From lobster claws to faux ass injections, it's basically impossible that these looks aren't just walking billboards for South Florida. We're flattered ... we think.
Chris Benz's holiday inspired collection features pops of red in cigarette pants, blazers, dressy pencil skirts and, oh yeah, lobster claw gloves. Remember that musical number in My Best Friend's Wedding? This is like that, but fashion. Just be grateful it's never cold enough down here to actually need a pair of these things.
Remember that story about the fake doctor who injected cement and Fix-A-Flat into women and called it plastic surgery? We bet Thom Browne does. These designs are practically ripped from the headlines.
The top look mimics saggy, surgery-weary skin, and also happens to have all the volume of the doctor's lower half. But the bottom look really cinches his inspiration, emphasizing key plastic surgery points -- the boobs, the hips, the calves -- with cement-grey lumps. Talk about a literal interpretation.
Mary Kate and Ashley's The Row is expertly styled with the perfect ribboned flat sandals and handbag -- but what's obviously more important about this look is how closely it resembles those mesh, long-sleeved shirts sold in every cheesy tourist boutique on the beach. If it was bright pink and had a Hawaiian-ish print layered under it, we'd almost be homesick.
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The shiny skirt, the cropped pink furry vest, the high-rise boots, the bright colored lipstick -- need we say more? This is obviously the world's most perfect Ultra Music Festival look. Slap some animal ears or a couple glow-stick necklaces on this Thakoon look and you'll be the apple of every tripping fool's eye. Oh, and drink some water, because you'll probably be hot under all that fur... and you might need it for, um, other reasons.
If tattooed eyeliner and eyebrows are good enough for your abuela, they're good enough for Jenny Packham. The beauty looks in this show were absolutely out of control, by which we mean we can't believe any professional designer sent her models down the runway looking like they just came from a cheap peluqueria.
On the other hand, both the hair and the beauty would look really great at a luncheon of cute, stylish Cuban grannies, actually, and so would the conservatively cut clothes. If the inspiration board in Jenny Packham's studio has our grandmas smiling up from it, we'll consider ourselves flattered. Our abuela would probably tell this model she needs to fatten up, though.