"It's about Self-Expression. It's about Non-violence. It's about Conservation."
But most of all, it's about dainty steps, sweeping arm motions, and horse companionship.
Welcome to Prancercise, Coral Springs woman Joanna Rohrback's exercise program designed to make you as wiry and muscular as Seabiscuit himself.
Prancercise LLC, which is a real company selling Rohrback's idea of imitating a horse to achieve your perfect bikini body, started publishing videos to YouTube five months ago. They feature Rohrback herself, outfitted for her workout in a tailored salmon jacket, white pants, pearls, and full makeup. She straps on her ankle weights, just like real horses do.
And then she starts to prance.
Rohrback herself describes her movements as "a springy,rhythmic way of moving forward, similar to a horse's gait and is ideally induced by elation." It's more like watching your awkward aunt Carol hit the dance floor at a family wedding. But with more cameltoe.
The video's just a companion to Rohrback's book, Prancercise: The Art of Physical and Spiritual Excellence. It's available on Amazon, with a five-star rating culled from two reviews:
This book finally let me experience my inner-horse. I was like a child again, prancing through the woods. At one point, I was convinced I had 4 legs. A smile radiated from my face. I punched the sky, knowing that I was free.
Call me Prancer, for I walk my path with joy.
I'm a man who used to weigh 340lbs. I used to lift weights to stay in shape, until I dropped a bar on my head and was knocked into a coma. While unconscious, an angel visited me in my hospital bed and commanded me to wake up and try Prancercise. I regained consciousness immediately and bought this book, and what a difference it has made in my life! I'm now 148lbs and have never felt better. I have to buy a new set of ankle weights though, since I had to remove my last pair to get away when a dozen teen girls came running after me the last time I was prancing through the park. Get this book! You won't regret it.
But don't be fooled, Rohrback writes at YouTube. "This is not to be confused with the fad; "Gangnam Style Dance"....this is the real deal a fitness program for those serious about looking their best, not like a FAT KANGAROO!"
I'm not making any of this up. I swear.
Rohrback's website, prancercise.com, is careful to note that not everyone may benefit from the Prancercise lifestyle equally; Prancercise is just a report of what Rohrback has experienced herself, and does not constitute real medical advice. Also, despite the book's cover showing two Rohrback twins prancing alongside a majestic white steed, "Any photos showing her moving along side a horse are not a suggestion that anyone should try such an act, but only a depiction of the technique she uses in her movement."
Prance on, Joanna. Prance on.
Follow Ciara LaVelle on Twitter @ciaralavelle.
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