Oh, reality TV. How you take up so very much of our time. Over here at Cultist, we love ourselves some unscripted (well, semi-unscripted) drama. Especially when the program involves angry women. First, we had Bad Girls Club and now we have Basketball Wives. And these ladies are a truly great replacement.
They are real crazy, like to talk shit, and we see some hardcore fights
in their future. What isn't to love, right? Well, as we watched last
Sunday's premier episode, we thought to ourselves: What makes these ladies
basketball wives, anyways? Here's what we figured out.
Shaunie O'Neal: She's probably the most famous out of the bunch. You might recognize her from Shaq's tour of cribs. If you ever seen her in person or next to Shaq, you know she is a baby nugget. How she had sex and later had children with a basketball player who is over seven feet tall, we have no idea. The two got married in 2002 and since then had four children. In 2007, Shaq filed for divorce from Shaunie. Then, like a month later, they decided that whole divorce thing wasn't for them. Then wait, nope, Shaunie decided that it was indeed what she wanted and kicked his ass to the curb in 2009, citing irreconcilable differences. And when she said "irreconciable differences," she meant his ass cheated with some groupies (apparently even putting one up in the Flamingo building on South Beach.) But what a better way to get over it then to start dating someone half your junior and move into the Gansevoort South Beach?
Royce Reed: When you watch Royce on the show, you think to yourself: Where the hell did this bitch come from? She isn't a wife, a girlfriend, or fiancé. Well, she is a babymama. Her entrace to the "Wives" club comes from the fact that she is a former Orlando Magic and Miami Heat dancer. And what has kept her membership alive is the fact she is the mother of Braylon Joshua Robert Howard, Magic player Dwight Howard's son. And you might wonder--why has she never mentioned that on the show? Well, a judge has allegedly instructed Reed that she is not legally permitted to mention Dwight Howard's name or discuss their legal situation on the program. Yep, that's why.
Evelyn Lozada: Say what you will about the proud Puerto Rican, the bitch is gorgeous. And we love her because she goes from glam to ghetto pretty easily. She got involved in this world after being engaged to Antoine Walker. We know him here in Miami for a few reasons: He helped us win the NBA Championship in 2006, he had a nice little arrest on Miami Beach for suspicion of drunk driving and earlier this year, he filled for bankruptcy in Miami-Dade county for $12.7 million dollars worth of debt. And the country might remember him for being charged with three felony counts of writing bad checks related to gambling debts he had incurred at three Las Vegas casinos. So, to say the least, we can imagine she is pretty psyced to be engaged to currently employed Chad Ochocinco and has a job of her own, owner of Dulce Shoes in Coral Gables. Does that mean she has to switch over to VH1's new show, Football Wives?
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Jennifer Williams: On a show called Basketball Wives, she is the only one actually married to someone who plays basketball. Even though he is currently unemployed, her hubby Eric Williams played for NBA up until 2009. He played for some pretty impressive teams including the Denver Nuggets, Cleveland Cavaliers, New Jersey Nets, and the Boston Celtics. Our favorite part of his resume has to be the fact that in 2005, he launched his own line of clothing honoring the Negro Basketball League, which by the way, never existed. But I mean, who knows how long Jennifer Williams will actually be able to hold the title of Basketball Wife, because as of Sunday, there has obviously been no change in their never-ending drama that is their relationship.
Suzie Ketcham: In the NBA world, Suzie is probably just a baby mama, but after a little research, we see she is actually one of the ladies on the show that seems to have loved her former beau way before he had money in his pocket. She met her ex-boo while attending college at Pepperdine University and was pregnant with their first child her senior year in college. In their astonishing 10 years together, they had two babies and broke up a couple of years ago. Now, pretty fresh off her break-up, she is single, ready to mingle, and not afraid to throw a drink in a bitches face. Oh, we love that.
Tami Roman: We all assume being married, knocked up, or having any association with a basketball player has its perks. But Tami Roman would have to disagree. You might recognize her from The Real World: Los Angeles, but her claim to fame on this show is the fact that she was married to one-time NBA player Kenny Anderson. Even though he seems to be doing pretty well for himself (Basketball Hall of Fame and Kenny Anderson Basketball Academy, according to Tami) -- since the divorce, she has been penniless. And not kinda poor, like she was forced to go on food stamps along with her daughters. So, we're all in agreement that her man is a douche, right? We're not sure why, but for some reason, we're going to call Tami our favorite... for now.