Audio By Carbonatix
Friday June 13
Nightlife maven/fashion designer Gerry Kelly has good reason to make a spectacle out of his birthday. If criminal-turned-witness-protection-program-member Chris Paciello would have had his way, Kelly would have grandly celebrated his own birth for the last time in 1999. That fall Paciello ruminated on government wiretaps about having Kelly “whacked.” Seems Kelly had the audacity to become a partner at Level (1235 Washington Ave., Miami Beach). The nerve! (He had been working as marketing director for Paciello and Ingrid Casares’s Liquid and Bar Room.) Paciello is gone for good. Kelly, however, is still among us and — remarkably considering the lifespan of clubs — still at Level, where at 10:00 p.m. he promises “the party of the year” in honor of himself. Admission to the bash is by “gold” invitation. Those who don’t possess one are encouraged to arrive early and “dress outrageous.” Call 305-532-1525 for reservations. — By Nina Korman
Thursday June 12
Rust Never Sleeps
Thirty years ago the headliners of the Biltmore Hotel’s Grand Lights, Grand Nights Celebration would have been playing in a huge outdoor arena. If the years have dulled their celebrity status, they have not killed these musicians’ love of performing. The week-long fundraiser presents Leon Russell, the Turtles, Rita Coolidge, the Little River Band, and the ever-hot 5th Dimension in separate club shows benefiting the UM Sylvester Comprehensive Cancer Center. Remember Up, Up, and Away, 5th Dimension’s 1967 sunshine pop whopper? Leon Russell, once a pianist for Frank Sinatra and ’70s rock legend, kicks off the series tonight. — Juan Carlos Rodriguez
The festival begins at 9:30 p.m. at the Cellar Club at the Biltmore Hotel, 1200 Anastasia Ave., Coral Gables. Tickets cost $55 to $75 per show. A package with two tickets to all five performances costs $495 or $595. Call 305-913-3204.
Saturday June 13
Outside – Park It
It’s Saturday. Take the kids to the mall again or enjoy a relaxing afternoon spent under heavenly shade trees by a picturesque lake, and give the little shopaholics a taste of art and nature instead. Art Expressions: A Circle of Artists at Greynolds Park (17530 W. Dixie Hwy., North Miami Beach) features poetry readings by local journalists and up-and-coming writers, plus music by classical guitarist Rafael Padrom and a sound installation by Gustavo Matamoros. Puppet storyteller Mz. Goose (Helen Gage) offers arts and crafts. Gather at the boathouse from 2:00 to 4:00 p.m. Admission is free. Call 305-945-3425. — Margaret Griffis
Saturday June 13
Chop Thrills
Food obsession, body worship
Chances are pretty boy fitness guru Jim Shiebler is going to rip his shirt off during his cooking demonstration at Burdines kitchen department today. After all, the guy calls himself the Body Gourmet, so he’s gotta show the goods, no? The brawny chef has bared his oiled and sculpted pecs in numerous television appearances such as his triumphant guest spot on the old Regis and Kathie Lee show in 1998, where he was challenged by Reg to a pose-a-thon. His Website is festooned with gauzy shots of the buff chef posing in a bikini and practicing karate while half naked. Following the path forged by Susie Powter, the body gourmet will soon be seen on his own fitness and cooking program on a cable television network. According to his press release, the lovely chef will be teaching observers proper knife techniques. He’ll be flexing while filleting, and preening while preaching the benefits of a low-fat, low-carb blah blah blah. You’ve seen it all before — perfect hair, shiny teeth, chiseled physique. Everything you need to attain society’s hard-bodied dream. The demonstration begins at 1:00 p.m. at Burdines Dadeland Five Star Kitchen, 7303 Kendall Dr. Admission is free. Call 954-964-9098. — By Juan Carlos Rodriguez
Thursday 6/12
Mad Virgins
Theater company debuts
They promise to forge a new aesthetic with their black-box dramatic productions. They are young, they are dedicated, and they are hungry. We don’t really know why they call themselves The Madman Experiment. Perhaps they’re nuts. Regardless, TME premieres tonight with its production of The Big Funk by John Patrick Shanley. The play sets four oddball characters on a collision course that might be hellish. This production inaugurates the troupe’s first season as well as the newly built 100-seat playhouse. The play opens at 8:00 p.m. at the Main Street Playhouse, 6766 Main St., Miami Lakes. Tickets cost $15. Call 305-940-5732. — By Juan Carlos Rodriguez