Happy Festivus: Top 10 Festivus Foods for your Festivus Party!

For those of you who are unfamiliar with Festivus For The Rest of Us view the video above for a three-minute primer on the fastest growing holiday in the Western Hemisphere.

Holiday season 2009 is set to be a record-breaking year for American households celebrating Festivus. That being said, though most Festivus celebrants are familiar with the Airing Of Grievances and The Feats Of Strength, most are unaware of the food traditions of Festivus.

Here are our top 10 Festivus foods for your Festivus party.

10. Pizza, Chinese and Indian Takeout

Working on Festivus? Demand double overtime.
Working on Festivus? Demand double overtime.

Between all the preparations of finding a pole to decorate, and working out your muscles for the Feats of Strength, you may be too tired to cook. Festivus law holds forth that take-out Chinese, Indian food, and pizza are all celebrated foodstuffs for the holiday.

9. Bagel Bites

Nothing says Festivus like the original kosher mini pizza bagel. Stock up on a few cases of Macababies mini bagel pizzas and your guests will be begging for the microwave recipe.

8. Sardines and Pork Rinds

We call it Sarpuerco.
We call it Sarpuerco.
wiki commons, flickr commons mashup

The Ode To That Which Many Do Not Understand is integral to the Festivus celebration. The traditional meal of sardines and pork rinds otherwise known as Sarpuerco is monumentally important to true Festivus adherents and may not appeal to bandwagon Festivians.

7. Scotch Whisky

Don't drown your grievances, get wasted and let em out.
Don't drown your grievances, get wasted and let em out.

Does any greater understanding of Festivus exist in the world than that which is produced by the heavy consumption of fine Scotch Whisky? No. Get you some.

6. Nacho Cheese

If it's not yo cheese don't eat it.
If it's not yo cheese don't eat it. /


5. Pickled Eggs

So, you having a good time?
So, you having a good time?

Some people spend the Festivus season alone, getting high, and making indie music into a tape recorder while their cat looks at them like a loser, and they take pictures with their camera's self timer. It's ok. Celebrate with some pickled eggs.

4. Eat Your Own Adventure

Do it!
Do it!

If you haven't taken table in the bathroom, you haven't done Festivus. Bonus fart points.

2. Shirtless Lemon Pies

Because they said so.
Because they said so.

Festivus tradition says shirtless lemon pies. That goes for everybody. Especially that girl with the big boobs. Hey, we don't make the rules.

1. Tacos

Sponsor Content


All-access pass to top stories, events and offers around town.

Sign Up >

No Thanks!

Remind Me Later >