This week, believe it or not, was a relatively intelligent one in South Florida. We had a Miami Gardens minister buying Rolls Royce Phantoms for drug dealers, and a Miami Heat player's penis made an unexpected cameo, but all in all, it was mostly quiet on the moron front.
You know what that means: Storm's a-comin'. Our forecasters predict that next week, the Regional Idiocy Quotient (RIQ) could reach epidemic levels. Wear a face mask.
But this week, one elite moron did do his part. Meet serial cretin Travis Stubbs, a Miami killer who allegedly dared to dream... about whacking his prosecutors and a witness.
On Wednesday, drug dealer Stubbs was convicted, along with a crony, of kidnapping a rival, torturing him, shooting him, and then burning his body inside his red Audi in Little Haiti.
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Stubbs now faces additional charges that he tried to recruit inmates at his prison to kill Miami-Dade prosecutors Gail Levine and Breezye Telfair, and, for good measure, a witness in the murder case. He even had some far-fetched plans involving the killers dressing up like cops or staging a car accident in order to get the prosecutors out in the open.
But Stubbs is no Avon Barksdale. He had no clout or cash to pay the inmates for arranging the murders, so he only promised he would work off the debt "on the streets in the drug trade" once he was acquitted, prosecutors now say. Which, given his less-than-stellar track record as a trafficker, is sort of like Bernie Madoff promising his victims he'll pay them back by investing from prison.
So the inmates, probably striking deals of their own for reduced sentences, ratted on Stubbs and now he faces new murder conspiracy charges.
This is a prime example of the exponential power of moronic behavior -- getting caught doing something dumb and then planning something even dumber to try to get out of it. Right now, we have no doubt Stubbs is talking to a potted plant in prison, trying to get the damn fern to agree to kill those two inmates who ratted him out.