After going all country music on Ultra 2013 this weekend, Avicii's taking vacay for a day. (At least until it's time to return to UMF tonight and "come, rave, love" one last time with his countrymen in SHM.) And it's totally obvious where the Swede is sleeping and showering ...
Occupying South Beach's Marlin Hotel for the full ten days of UMF, WMC, and MMW, this superexclusive 16-room establishment was hyped as a "24/7 Avicii experience."
There's an Avicii flag flying atop the hotel, an enormous Avicii banner unfurled over the facade, Avicii decals and banners slapped all over the outdoor lounge, even an Avicii runway rug running through the lobby.
The Marlin's manager told us that almost 5,000 Avicii-branded items were used in the hotel takeover.
From Avicii wall art to complimentary Avicii lollipops and "I Heart Avicii" buttons, the lobby is loaded up with epic conversation pieces, knickknacks, and other stuff bearing the Swedish wunderkind's face or name.
Even the hotel's offices have been invaded by the Avicii team. The sliding, frosted-glass door to the Marlin's center of operations bears Avicii's stamp. And the cleaning ladies are wearing Avicii tees.
Even the hotel's keycards and "Do Not Disturb" signs are all Avicii-ed out.
Inside the actual rooms, named after Avicii's greatest hits (and which, if you selected the upscale "Bromance" package, might have cost $7,300), it's almost as if you've just scored a secret rendezvous with the Swede.
We chose the "Alcoholic" suite.
Later, while enjoying a nighttime bowel movement or washing your face before sleepy sleeps, you might notice a personal message from Avicii, handwritten on the mirror in gold Sharpie: "Hey! Drink some water before going to bed. You'll thank me tomorrow :)"
Meanwhile, the water closet is also kitted out with a ridiculous amount of Avicii toiletries, including Avicii soap, Avicii shampoo and conditioner, Avicii body lotion, Avicii hand and beach and shower towels, Avicii bathrobes, and Avicii flip-flops.
But no Avicii toilet paper.
Following your shower with Avicii, head for the hotel's dining room, where an entire EDM-appropriate menu has been created by chef Israel Delgado.
Warm up with some "opening acts" (AKA appetizers) like "fried calamari," "ahi tuna tartar," or "pickles tempura." And then do entrées like a raver with your choice of four "headliners," including the "Bitchin Burger" and "Shittake Sliders."
Obviously, the booze options are all Avicii-themed too.
Our three fave "Avicii Signature Cocktails": (1) "Black Velvet" (Guiness topped with Champagne brut); (2) "Asian Dub" (sake, muddled cherry tomatoes, basil with tabasco and sweet & sour); and (3) the "Levels Mojito" (Bacardi white rum, mint leaves, pineapple and sweet & sour, topped with soda) for when you wanna "get a good feeling, yeah."
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After a few "Silhouettes Brut" and dropping some "Bossa Nova" shots, it's time to uhntz-uhntz over to Ultra Music Festival. And you're late.
But don't drive. Take the free Avicii Hotel shuttle. As the Swede always says: Oh, sometimes ... You need a chaffeur.