The origins of ladies' night are unclear. Perhaps it was a tool used by men to attempt to lessen their guilt for denying women basic human rights and equality. Maybe it goes back even farther, and after Adam and Eve were expelled from the Garden of Eden, she felt the need to drown her sorrows in multiple apple martinis.
Either way, bar and club owners have long realized that the surest way to lure men into their establishment is by ensuring women are present. And the surest way to ensure women are present is to provide them with alcohol, free of charge.
While state courts in California, Maryland, Pennsylvania, and Wisconsin might have ruled that ladies' night discounts are unlawful and discriminatory, the women of Florida do not have to worry about such sentiments. Because in Miami, if you are a lady, you can find somewhere to drink for free each night of the week.
Town Kitchen & Bar, 7301 SW 57th Ct., South Miami; 305-740-8118; townkitchenbar.com.
Feminism is rewarded at this South Miami eatery. The Monday happy hour from 4 to 7 p.m. offers women their first two drinks free and after that provides half-off discounts on certain drinks. And if you have a good time on Monday, you can circle back for Thursday night, the restaurant's official ladies' night, where women receive complimentary champagne from 4 to 7 p.m., and half-off signature martinis from 9 p.m. to the 2 a.m. last call.
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Blackbird Ordinary, 729 SW 1st Ave., Miami; 305-671-3307; blackbirdordinary.com.
You barely have to spend a penny on Tuesday nights in Brickell. Over at Blackbird Ordinary, there's no cover charge regardless of gender, and women can enjoy unlimited free well drinks or Blackbird's signature drink (the Blackbird), comprised of vodka, lemonade, and blackberry puree. All this goodness lasts until 1:30 a.m. Then, until 5 a.m. women who still haven't had their fill can get those drinks for half-price while listening to a rotating set of DJs and bands.
Bougainvillea's Old Florida Tavern, 7221 SW 58th Ave., South Miami; 305-669-8577; bougiesbar.com.
For years, this self-proclaimed South Miami dive bar has offered free drinks to ladies every Wednesday night from 10 p.m. to 2 a.m. After you've gathered your free alcohol, you can hear the musical selections of DJ Mike Dee and DJ Edward in Bougie's living room.
Mokai Lounge, 235 23rd St., Miami Beach; 786-735-3322; mokaimiami.com.
The South Beach upscale nightclub never charges admission for women. And on Wednesday nights, the fairer sex receives the equally classy and dangerous drink known as champagne for free until 1 a.m.
Kill Your Idol, 222 Española Way, Miami Beach; 305-672-1852; facebook.com/killyouridolmiami.
Over at KYI on the beach, there are free drinks for ladies from 10 p.m. to 2 a.m., and before that, both sexes can enjoy half-off drinks from 8 to 10 p.m. The resident DJs are Sweetswirl and Culture Prophet, and oftentimes they are joined by live bands. If you prefer to shoot pool or watch a game, Lost Weekend next door offers the same deals.
Ball & Chain, 1513 SW 8th St., Miami; 305-643-7820; ballandchainmiami.com.
This Little Havana hotspot offers free well drinks for the ladies from 8 to 10 p.m. Afterward, you can see how far those drinks got you by singing some karaoke on B&C's Pineapple Stage.
Wood Tavern, 2531 NW 2nd Ave., Miami; 305-748-2828; woodtavernmiami.com.
It ain't hard to find women in Wynwood. But it's really not hard to find women in Wynwood on a Wednesday. They're all at Wood, enjoying free
Gramps, 176 NW 24th St., Miami; 305-699-2669; gramps.com.
Wood ain't the only ladies night in Wynwood. On Thursday nights from 9 to 11 p.m., ladies drink free at Gramps. After
Purdy Lounge, 1811 Purdy Ave., Miami Beach; 305-531-4622; purdylounge.com.
As long as you have a designated driver, you can partake in a four-hour stretch of free drinking on Thursdays. After Gramps starts charging, you can make it to Purdy Lounge where, from 11 p.m. to 1 a.m., ladies drink free.
Sidebar Miami, 337 SW 8th St., Miami; 786-703-6973; sidebarmiami.com.
It's hard to beat this one. Ice Cream Thursday at Sidebar means not only are there free drinks for women from 9 p.m. to midnight, but they can also satisfy their sweet tooth with a free dessert of Jameson-infused ice cream. Heaven is real. God is good.
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The Bar, 172 Giralda Ave., Coral Gables; 305-442-2730; gablesthebar.com.
Make sure to get out of work early on Friday afternoon so you can make it to Coral Gables for the Bar's happy hour, where from 5:30 to 7:30 p.m. ladies drink free well cocktails and Yuengling. DJ Louis Arson starts his set at the tail end of happy hour, playing music from 7 to 10 p.m., and the rest of the night DJ iCue takes control of the playlist.
Ok, so here's where things get tough. Saturday is traditionally not when ladies night makes financial sense. It's not hard to draw a crowd on Saturday night because everyone wants to go out on Saturday. So, this is a night where you might have to depend on a house party if you want to drink free. But if you're willing to commute and haven't thrown out that college ID yet, the Broward Latin joint Conga's Night Club in Sunrise offers all women free entry on Friday and Saturday nights and free drinks until midnight if you have a valid college ID. How weird are you willing to get for your free drinks? Sunday
ROK:BRGR, 5800 SW 73rd St., South Miami; 305-663-6099; rokbrgr.com.
The gastropub offers free mimosas to ladies who brunch during their Sunday Social Brunch from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. because everyone knows orange juice and champagne help make your french toast go down smoother — or, at the very least, make it seem like a good idea to use that french toast as a pillow.