Opinion & Commentary

In all fairness, Miami-Dade firefighter Osvaldo Alvarez did a pretty good job impersonating a local police officer, right down to the being-a-bit-corrupt details, but it wasn’t good enough to get away from actual local cops. Alvarez, 52, was booked yesterday for impersonating an officer, burglary and battery…

“We the Miami Heat of hip-hop.” Now, obviously, when Rick Ross uttered that boast, it was meant as more than just a Bawse-ly metaphor. Because big homie and his buddy DJ Khaled got such skills from the stripe, they recently won $120,000 in a free-throw contest. See also: Rick Ross…

Baseball fans across the country should be dancing in the streets. Major League Baseball’s head honcho, Bud Selig, will finally retire. Last week, Selig announced he’s calling it quits after 22 years of driving America’s pastime into the ground. He leaves behind a tarnished legacy. Under the 79-year-old Milwaukee-born commissioner’s…

Poison in the Parks Deadly oversight: Your report on former toxic ash sites around Miami (“Toxic Tales,” David Villano, September 26) makes it clear the city has ignored this problem for years. There are consequences: My neighbor in the Grove died of pancreatic cancer. She was a teacher at Carver…

Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke exposes the biggest fail in Major League Baseball. Baseball fans across the country should be dancing in the…

For the past decade and a half, a cluster of A-list celebrities, including Lady Gaga, Gloria Estefan, LMFAO, and other stars of the ilk, super models, and all ’round glamorous people have walked past the velvet ropes and black doors of Score. While the hot spot will be throwing its…

Welcome to The Weeknd’s Kiss Land. It is a glitteringly cold, irreversibly twisted, bleakly sexy netherworld where we’re “all faded off the wrong thing” and we “gotta pay with [our bodies].” You know, a lot like Miami. There is a “room where the kisses ain’t free.” (But the Adderall cocktails…

Have you tried miracle fruit? The small red berry, native to West Africa, contains a protein called miraculin, which binds with our taste buds and, when introduced to acids, makes sour taste sweet. Called “LSD for your mouth,” the fruit creates a result that’s supposed to be strange. There’s a…

Michael Gongora is a Miami Beach commissioner running for mayor. On his campaign website, the commish touts his corruption-fighting credentials, boldly proclaiming he engineered the dismissal of shady city employees who violated the public’s trust. “Now, thanks to my leadership,” Gongora boasts on his website, “City Hall is more transparent.”…

After two turbulent seasons as head coach of the University of Miami football program, Al Golden is taking the U back to national prominence this year. The defense’s dominating performance against the University of Florida earlier this month proves Goldie is on the right track. In fact, the Canes will…

Tattoo Wait Debate Or is it weight?: In regard to Allie Conti’s September 19 story, “Ink Stink,” maybe we should do this with restaurants also. I feel hungry, but damn I have to wait 24 hours because by eating now, I could be making a mistake because My Fitness Pal…

Tenderloins are the cookies of the beef world. They’re selfish, ideal for one patron to consume in just a few mouthfuls. But larger steaks, such as porterhouses and rib eyes, are like layer cakes: generous, indulgent, and meant to be shared. Because these cuts usually cost more than filets, we’ve…

Sef Gonzalez isn’t just the Burger Beast of food blog fame. He’s the sultan of stick-to-your-ribs food, the powerhouse of pastelitos, and Miami’s all-seeing, all-eating king of comfort food. Last night, at Sakaya Kitchen Downtown, the king himself mingled with his loyal foodie followers at his five-year Blogiversary party, a…

Uncle Luke, the man whose booty shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke predicts a golden season for the Miami Hurricanes. After two turbulent seasons as head coach of the…

A canopy of black and white balloons welcomed ladies in headbands and coral and purple tribal-printed dresses, and men in blue plaid button-downs and straw fedora hats as they made their way through the doors of the Vagabond Miami. Celebrating its fifth birthday, the 30 NE 14th Street watering hole…

For most of us schlubs, death is the end. But for an influential artist, it is only the beginning. In fact, there is a guy who has made his entire lucrative career from steering the estates of dead icons including Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix, and the street-wise prophet Tupac Shakur…

Hey there Florida gun owners. Feeling a little more paranoid than usual these days? Don’t trust the government can protect you from potential menaces when you’re catching a flight out of Orlando, Fort Lauderdale, or Miami? The Transportation Security Administration certainly seems to think you’re all freaking out. The airport…

Yesterday, we noted El Nuevo Herald’s scoop about Miami-Dade Police public corruption detectives going HAM on their overtime hours while investigating a quartet of park employees who pocketed a few thousand bucks. According to El Nuevo Herald, the investigators clocked 934 hours of overtime, collecting $58,288 to nab four men…

Two years ago, he serenaded his entrenched opponent, Miami Beach Mayor Matti Herrera Bower, by having Sexy Sax Man play “Careless Whisper” for her during a city commission meeting. He cut a campaign video enumerating his pledges while slamming shots of booze and declared himself de facto leader of an…

I have a bone to pick with the wordsmiths at Oxford English Dictionary. Last month, they added “twerk” to their online edition. They define it as a verb that describes dancing to “popular music in a sexually provocative manner involving thrusting hip movements and a low, squatting stance.” Company spokeswoman…