Miami’s Culinary Wish List for 2018
As we meditate on what Miami’s culinary ecosystem might yield in the coming year, we are at the same time forced to look back at everything it has accomplished in recent years.
As we meditate on what Miami’s culinary ecosystem might yield in the coming year, we are at the same time forced to look back at everything it has accomplished in recent years.
We survived the first year of the Trump era without the 45th president obliterating the United States in a nuclear war with North Korea. In light of all the scandals and controversies seeping out of the White House, 2017 felt like seven long-ass dog years to many of us. Then there were all the powerful men in media, entertainment, and politics who have been taken out by the #MeToo movement of people exposing perverts and creeps in just about every major industry.
There’s a volume on my shelf that’s taunting. Babbo is a cookbook that reveals some of the recipes and thoughts behind Mario Batali and Joe Bastianich’s Michelin-starred Greenwich Village restaurant that opened in 1998. My first instinct is to throw it in the garbage, to purge it and all of the baggage attached to it.
This year was, thankfully, a year in which America’s most sexually rapacious scumbags finally started to get their comeuppances. And guess what? Florida is filled with complete scumbags. You’re not surprised? Literally everyone has known this since Florida was first incorporated? Okay, fine. But — hey — at least we…
The Miami Hurricanes cleaned up during Wednesday’s first-ever NCAA early signing period. While many of the names of the players who committed to wearing the orange and green next season didn’t surprise, that didn’t make the results any less impressive. What was most impressive, though, was the fact that the…
For a moment in time this past Sunday in Buffalo, it seemed as if the Dolphins had a chance to pull off an amazing comeback. Then Jay Cutler happened. Well, that’s not entirely true: Jay Cutler happened again.
Another day, another Miami Marlins star gone forever. This past Wednesday, Derek Jeter continued gutting his new team by shipping All-Star outfielder Marcell Ozuna to the St. Louis Cardinals for a handful of minor-leaguers and some fresh cans for the office soda machine. As you might have guessed, Marlins fans were not thrilled with the news and are wondering if the last remaining member of the team’s starting outfield, Christian Yelich, might also be on his way out of town.
Miami’s Knight Foundation has millions of dollars at its disposal, a holdover from its eponymous family’s former media empire (which included the Miami Herald during its glory days). Now a sizable piece of that money is devoted to “advancing journalistic excellence in the digital age.”
The Miami Dolphins beat the New England Patriots 27-20 Monday night in undoubtedly Miami’s best performance of the season. Jay Cutler threw three pretty touchdowns. Kenyan Drake looked like a Pro Bowl running back, racking up more than 200 all-purpose yards. And on defense, second-year cornerback Xavien Howard looked like Deion Sanders while picking off Tom Brady twice.
If you would have asked Dolphins fans last season whether the franchise had finally found a head coach they could trust for many years, you would have seen a sea of hands. “Yesssss!” they probably would have said. “Keep Adam Gase for years!” Winning nine of the past 11 games to end your first season on the job tends to move your approval rate upward. Dolphins fans, and management, were quite happy with the man leading their football team.
Philadelphia Eagles safety Malcolm Jenkins fails to grasp the meaning of bowing your head and raising a fist. After 26 weeks of silently protesting during “The Star-Spangled Banner” to call attention to police brutality against African-Americans, Jenkins stopped doing so this past Sunday.
On October 24, 2015, the Miami Hurricanes’ program hit rock bottom. Clemson came to Miami and delivered an unimaginable 58-0 ass-beating to the Hurricanes that sent head coach Al Golden to Detroit to coach tight ends for the Lions, and Mark Richt to Miami to begin a complete rebuild of a once-storied football program.
If switching races was as easy as trading players in professional sports, African-Americans would swap Tiger Woods for Prince Harry in a heartbeat. In recent days, Woods proved he’s an Uncle Tom, while the young princeling is breaking down royal racial barriers by getting engaged to an American woman who is half black.
On Sunday, Miami Dolphins fans were treated to a fifth straight loss, this time an embarrassing, 35-17 bore-fest with the hated New England Patriots. On Monday, Dolphins fans are being treated to a free Frosty. Seems like a fair trade, to be honest.
“Do you know kimchi? Do you know bulgogi? Do you know Gangnam Style? Do you know Psy?” The Korean pop star Psy himself raps those lyrics in a distorted deep voice on the song “Fact Assault,” a collaboration with G-Dragon. Psy, of course, became a viral phenomenon in 2012 with…
One. More. Win. That’s all the University of Miami Hurricanes football team needs to complete a perfect 11-0 regular season. If the Canes can stiff-arm and sidestep a seemingly inferior 4-5 Pittsburgh Panthers team on the road today, they’ll head into the Atlantic Coast Conference Championship Game…
He’s baaaaaaaaaaack. Sixteen years after he lost his bid to be reelected as Miami’s mayor, Crazy Joe Carollo is returning to 3500 Pan American Drive as a city commissioner. On Tuesday night, he squeaked out a narrow victory in a run-off against Alfie Leon, a former aide to his brother…
The Miami Hurricanes are 10-0. They’re locked into their first appearance in the Atlantic Coast Conference Championship Game, where they’ll take on the Clemson Tigers at Charlotte’s Bank of America Stadium December 2. And if the Canes can win four more games in a row, they’ll be national champions for the sixth time.
Here lies the 2017 Miami Dolphins season, gone far too soon. It is likely to be survived by Adam Gase, a coach who refuses to shoulder any of the team’s losses; Mike Tannenbaum, a general manager you wouldn’t trust balancing your checkbook; and Stephen Ross, an owner who is good at building world-class things as long as they aren’t football organizations.
Joe Carollo was arrested in 2001 for hitting his wife so hard he left a golf-ball-size welt on her head. One of the then Miami mayor’s young daughters called 911 and begged, “Help, my dad is hurting my mom! Please come now, please!” as a woman’s screams were heard in the background. The Miami-Dade State Attorney’s Office eventually dropped domestic violence charges against Carollo because he agreed to attend anger-management courses.
The University of Miami Hurricanes are back on top of the college football world, and their return to dominance has, predictably, brought back the haters. A very wise man once said that with great power comes great responsibility. The responsibility that comes with kicking opponents’ asses every Saturday is that Miami must once again play the role of college football’s professional wrestling heel.
If the 2017 Miami Dolphins football team were a farm animal, it would be led out to pasture and excused from any kind of actual work. No one would disagree with the decision to gently retire it. The poor guy is clearly too injured and useless to help any longer.