My Chlorinated Romance

The boy playfully dunks the girl’s head under the water, holding her there until she grabs his thigh in mock distress. With her mop of curly hair drenched straight, she emerges like a mermaid. The boy’s eyes follow her entire ascent. She spits crystal-clear water at him and pauses. His…

Update: No Show for the Mariconsons

UPDATE: Santos informed New Times this morning that the show described below has been cancelled. The mariconsons won’t be coming home tonight. The mariconsons are coming home tonight when Spanish language radio personalities Enrique Santos and Joe Ferrero hit the stage at Miami Improv in Coconut Grove. The last time…

Lynch’s Inland Empire is Long, Disturbing

David Lynch joined the Miami screening via webcast “We are like the spider; we weave our life and then move along in it. We are like the dreamer who dreams and then lives in the dream,” said David Lynch during his live introduction via webcast at The Colony Theater (1040…

Edna Buchanan Gets Misty-Eyed at Memories of Murderous Miami

The seemingly ageless “Queen of Crime” Edna Buchanan was at Books & Books in Coral Gables Thursday night to read from her new novel, Love Kills. For the graying audience that packed the place, it wasn’t so much a reading as a chance to revel in Miami noir. They wanted…

Pitbull is Chongalicious

Mimi Davila and Laura Di Lorenzo — aka the “Chongalicious” duo — recently appeared on Pitbull’s La Esquina on Mun 2. The girls have a funny cameo at the end of the clip. Check it out here: – Tamara Lush…

Evan Can Wait

Evan Almighty, the followup to Bruce Almighty, is the work of an angry God. At 89 minutes that last a lifetime, it’s a sanctimonious sitcom dolled up as the most expensive comedy ever made — $175 mil, so they say, no doubt choking — and marks an unfortunate low point…

Mighty Heart, Mightier Spotlight

A skilled actor vanishes into a role; a movie star appropriates it. As presence trumps character, the star personifies Brecht’s alienation effect, and whatever its ostensible subject, the movie becomes a vehicle — the latest installment in an ongoing career or, in the case of a great star, a public…

Now Playing

Look up in the sky: It’s a bird! It’s a plane! No, it’s a giant silver eunuch on a radioactive surfboard! That’s more or less the gist of this mercifully brief sequel to 2005’s surprise hit about that other band of Marvel mutants, here joined by the eponymous big kahuna,…

Mid-Wife Crisis

There is a delicious scene in the Hispanic Theater Guild’s production of La Curva de la Felicidad (The Curve of Happiness), in which the hangdog protagonist, Quino, informs his ex’s mover that he’s a television writer who pens suicide notes. Quino, you see, has been dumped because he’s “too fat,…

Maybe too Hard

You don’t need to watch the included preview of Live Free or Die Hard to know it’s going to blow; as this set proves, only odd-numbered Die Hards are any good. The first one, of course, is the perfect popcorn flick, and the bonus-disc extras here illustrate what can happen…

Elf Life

Once upon a time, the world breathed magic. Some believed this magic should belong only to the powerful, while others felt it was for everyone. So all the world’s beings went to war. The first battle took place in Brazil, where a lone elf with a sniper rifle notched an…

Our top DVD picks for the week of June 19:

Animaniacs: Volume 3 (Warner Bros.) Bridge to Terabithia (Buena Vista) Gray Matters (Fox) Harrison’s Flowers (Lionsgate) If . . .: The Criterion Collection (Criterion) The Life and Hard Times of Guy Terrifico (THINKfilm) Lucille Ball Film Collection (Warner Bros.) The Manhattan Project: Special Edition (Lionsgate) The Many Adventures of Winnie…

Sacred Art

“Prayers for Santos and Orishas,” a striking photography show at Centro Cultural Español, peels back the veil on contemporary religious life in Cuba by depicting in a rare light the devotional soul of the island. The three-part exhibit includes 40 black-and-white pictures by photographers Gonzalo González, Raúl Cañibano, and Humberto…

Bust Out Your Naruto Costume

YTMNDGuy: Hey dude. What R U up 2 this weekend? Chewy_baka69: I dunno. I’ll prolly play some WoW – I want to get my blood elf paladin up to level 70. YTMNDGuy: LOL. No, we R going 2 the Florida SuperCon. Chewy_baka69: Why would I do that? I didn’t plan…

Welcome to Lynchville

According to the lore behind Inland Empire, director David Lynch turned to his producer one morning during shooting and demanded a one-legged woman, a monkey, and a lumberjack by 3:15 p.m. All three made it into the film, but as to what else Inland Empire is about is anybody’s guess…

Is That Chicken?

So far your adventures in cooking have been unpredictable at best. From the first batch of blackened sugar cookies when you were seven to that popsicle-like turkey you served last Thanksgiving, your kitchen has become a sort of Twilight Zone — you never know what’ll come out of it. For…

Shake It and Shop

Never mind the retailing. For that, smaller malls — or, God bless ’em, stand-alone stores — will suffice. Dolphin Mall is more city that shoppery, complete with a covert subcity that houses the control system of its mighty ebb and flow, and a 24-hour crew of workers that keeps the…

Delicioso in Any Language

As the summer sun sets over another humdrum afternoon of mojitos, mankinis, and a surgically enhanced shoreline, take a step outside Miami culture. Think fried, beefy, and exotic. No, we’re not talking about the cabana boy. Come revel in A Taste of España, a tantalizing flamenco-style celebration hosted by the…

Splish Splash

Here’s a video art installation we wish existed: a time-lapse video of Miami’s coastline. From overgrown swamp to year-round playground to hyperdeveloped, overextended residential mecca; it seems there are new buildings sprouting up along our shores faster than zits on a thirteen-year-old’s forehead. No matter how far we move inland,…

Pole Position

Peeling your clothes off piece by piece should make you feel saucy and just a little cheeky (wink, wink), not all awkward, like the striptease you perform three times a week in the gym locker room. “It’s not about breast implants or doing your lips or getting this bigger and…

Beethoven Never Looked This Good

Beethoven’s music communicates a great deal of his brilliant yet troubled and lonely life. But his distinctive appearance left a little to be desired – unless you’ve got a thing for wild hair and beetle brows. If ever a group of soloists could bring out the sensual grace that the…

Songbird, Sing Me a Tune

In 1989, back when the M in MTV stood for music, the network debuted a groundbreaking show called Unplugged. Industry geniuses, from Bob Dylan and R.E.M. to Jay-Z and Lauryn Hill, graced the stage for acoustic sets that transformed their studio albums into living, breathing, dynamic pieces of art. Now…