Why The Simpsons Should Call It Quits

We get it. The Simpsons are an iconic American bunch. But maybe it’s time to say goodbye. The Internet’s buzzing with news that Fox executives are threatening to pull the plug on the long-running Sunday-night cartoon if the show’s six main voice actors don’t agree to a 45-percent pay cut…

Five Curmudgeons That Should Replace Andy Rooney on 60 Minutes

The absolute greatest TV news magazine, 60 Minutes, will lose its long-time resident curmudgeon on Sunday when Andy Rooney delivers his final original essay–his 1,097th. It will feature a segment with the show’s second oldest white dude, Morley Shafer, 72, interviewing 92-year-old Rooney about his incredibly long career and what…

Ten Best Music-Related Things to Do This Weekend Under $10

Hello, weekend. What a relief that you’re finally here. This has been a miserable work week, and we’re so looking forward to disconnecting for the next few days. But not to sound like a broken record, our funds are dwindling. The available balance in our checking account is less than…

Five Films That’ll Scare the Cheat Out of You

Evidently, professional SAT test-takers make a hell of a lot more money than overworked Cultist bloggers. Sure it’s illegal, but boy is it lucrative. A 19-year-old Emory University student was hired by six Long Island high school students to take their SATs between 2009 and this year. Sam Eshaghoff was…

Miami Has One Too Many Zombie Walks This Year

Cultist doesn’t follow many rules, but we are adamant about one: under no circumstances will we participate in more than one zombie walk per year. Needless to say, October 2011 is going to be quite stressful. Two kickass zombie events are happening next month. Zombie Walk Miami is going down…

A-Trak Writes Touching Tribute to DJ Mehdi

In A-Trak news… The Canadian DJ’s going to be dropping electro dance beats at LIV next month, about a month before he takes his act to New Orleans as a featured performer at this year’s Voodoo Experience Music Festival. Unfortunately, one of his longtime friends and frequent collaborators won’t be…

The Cool Kids Announce Miami Show at Eve October 23

Let’s get wild and reconcile with our freaky side, the Midwest’s illest rap crew, The Cool Kids, are bringing heavy beats and dope lyrics to Eve next month on Sunday, October 23. Chuck Inglish and Sir Michael Rocks broke onto the scene the way so many groups do these days…

Topless Rihanna Ruffles Farmer’s Feathers

Hypothetically speaking, would y’all get mad if Rihanna took her top off –for the sake of art — on your property? Neither would we. But for one Irish farmer, the 23-year-old superstar’s boobs were too much to handle. 
Rihanna was on a Bangor, Ireland wheat farm yesterday filming naughty bits…

Korn Announces November 9 Show at the Fillmore Miami Beach

Topping the list of artists we’d never expect to see at the Fillmore Miami Beach, Korn just announced a November 9 engagement at the house Jackie Gleason Live Nation built. Thirteen years ago, Jonathan Davis and company released its big breakthrough album, Follow the Leader. It debuted atop the Billboard…