Hard’s Holy Ship Cruise Announces Final Lineup and Full Music Schedule

Get Hard ’cause it’s almost time to cruise. Nine months ago, Crossfade reported that the Los Angeles party posse, electronic music festival, and touring club event run by Gary Richards (AKA Destructo) was planning to take its electro steez to the high seas aboard the MSC Poesia, sailing out of…

After Permit Problem, Mamushka’s Midtown Is Not Closing, Despite Rumors

Late last night, rumors concerning the demise of Mamushka’s Midtown began filtering through the local scene via shocked status updates, email blasts, and half-drunk texts. On the venue’s official Facebook page, a few members of Miami’s music and boozing community started eulogizing the hangout in a mix of English, Spanish,…

White Party 2011: Bare Chests, Sexy Suspenders, and Fabulous Headdresses

Over the weekend, Miami Seaquarium was swarmed by Care Resource’s friends and supporters for the 2011 edition of annual HIV/AIDS fundraiser White Party. As always, the dress code was “white.” But this year, bare chests (both bearishly hairy and totally depilated), sexy suspenders (usually preventing flashy underwear from falling down),…

Who Wants Free Tickets to Party With Penguin Prison at Basel Castle 2011?

When disco-pop dude Penguin Prison isn’t dancing or doin’ time, he’s apparently waddling over to Occupy Wall Street to shoot music videos, shout down the bankers, and express solidarity with the Ninety-Nine Percent. His new vid is called “Don’t Fuck With My Money.” And just like Mr. Penguin, we live…

’80s Prom at The Vagabond: Ten Totally Dreamy Photos

Your real prom was a total fucking nightmare. The dress (or tux) sucked. Your date was late. There was no limo. You got busted trying to steal a bottle of Sambuca, some porn, and a marijuana cigarette from your older brother’s stash. You smelled bad. You looked worse. You drank…

Judas Priest Announce $20 Black Friday Tickets for Epitaph Farewell Tour

Behold Black Friday! No doubt, the day after Thanksgiving belongs to the Devil. The sun becomes a black hole. Unrepentant gluttons suffer atop overflowing toilets. And endless legions of zombified shoppers stalk the malls and big-box stores in search of awesome deals that might set them free from Satan’s eternal…

Bad Sign

On the night of Thursday, December 1, 2011, a waxing crescent moon will be hanging, dead and icy, in a jet-black winter sky as the souls of a thousand damned witches scream for mercy while being burned at the stake inside an abandoned house totally consumed by fire. And it’s…

Blowfly Does the Dirty in New Times‘ Miami People Issue 2011

From the day that he was born in 1939, Clarence Reid’s been a filthy-mouthed motherfucker. Now notorious for pornographic pop song satires like “Suck Around the Clock,” “All Fucked Up,” and “Whole Lotta Fuckin’ Goin’ On,” Reid’s childish antics weren’t any less XXX. As we write in New Times’ Miami…