The Miami Heat is faster than a lie out of a lawyer’s mouth, stronger than the Colossus of Rhodes, and better at shooting than a sniper in Afghanistan. They dunk more baskets than a scuba-diving Easter Bunny and break more opponents’ ankles than a kick boxer with steel shin guards…
Wanna make $200 for dressing like your favorite videogame, cartoon, movie, or imaginary character? Head to Cosplay Kingdom, where you’re as likely to spot Zelda’s Link slamming shots as you are to see Princess Daisy vaping on an e-cig. Whether you handcraft your Sailor Moon with needle and thread or…
Khaotic is an Overtown rapper who collaborated with a Hungarian abstract artist named MSL for “Khaotic Killz Basel,” a mobile pop-up art performance. They put a painting on a Benz and staged impromptu street performaces of Khaotic’s new single “Dime Piece” while parked on the busiest block in Wynwood. Up…
While other artists fight for space in Wynwood, the notorious MSG Crew have a 340,000 square foot building to paint however they want. The former Biscayne Plaza, a main site of the Michael Bay action flick Pain & Gain, is now called Midpoint, and as part of its renovation and…
The Baltimore Ravens suck at everything. If they tried to kick a soup can into the ocean, they’d miss. They’re weaker than a toothless bum in an apple-eating contest. They’re so out of shape they couldn’t swat a fly without taking a three-hour nap first. Those guys are so blubbery…
Telekinetic Walrus looks like a gang of interdimensional beings on a concert tour across space-time. This Miami band’s stellar live shows are a tripped-out electronic circus of operatic vocals, rhythmic tidal waves of bass, and uplifting sonic landscapes that weave their way around your chakra like a wireless connection to…
The Atlanta Hawks are slower than C-SPAN on sleeping pills. They couldn’t slam a can of soda on a countertop. They haven’t triple-doubled since their last meal at a drive-thru. They couldn’t jam the box if they had a pallet of Smucker’s and a case of cardboard. They make more…
The voice of Buika is a melodious blend of Africa, Spain, and the Mediterranean, with an amazing quaver more powerful than the Plava Laguna from the excellent action flick The Fifth Element. Hailing from the island of Majorca, near Ibiza, she now calls Miami Beach home. And she has a…
The Charlotte Hornets are a terrible basketball team. Their offense is as useless as a Nerf ball in a gunfight, and their defense stinks worse than a proctologist’s dumpster. The Hornets couldn’t fight their way out of a bag of cotton candy. The team is so desperate it recruits new…
A great book is like a great song, once it gets in your head, it’s in there for the rest of your life. Just ask Ahmir “Questlove” Thompson and George Clinton, two of America’s greatest living recording artists, and now authors. Their albums and shows have pushed the creative boundaries…
Get ready to pull out your “Me So Horny,” “Pop That Coochie,” and “We Want Some Pussy” dance moves, because the 2 Live Crew’s Fresh Kid Ice, Brother Marquis, and Uncle Luke are reuniting for “one night only” this Thanksgiving’s Eve at LIV Miami. The crew has not performed with…
The life of the party is in the hands of the DJ. They play the cuts that keep the people dancing, moving, and shouting along. They are also in charge of bringing the newest sounds of the streets into the clubs and onto the radio. DJ Bre is an up-and-coming…
The Milwaukee Bucks are so lousy that the NBA ought to add animated stink lines to them when they hit the court. They lose more often than a cross-eyed dart player. The only upset they’ve pulled off was when their mama saw them for the first time. If they tried…
The Buffalo Bills are softer than a pile of baby ducks, and they’ve got yellow bellies too. Legend has it they all have a good cry together before every game. They also go dress shopping together on their days off. The Bills are so broke that last week they had…
Going from dirty clothes to filthy rich isn’t easy, but Fort Myers’ Pretty Boy Gangsta has done it by traversing Alligator Alley to Miami for more than a decade. The rapper whose brother built the label and studio that made Plies famous is about to star in his own MTV…
Steve Almond wants NFL players who smoke weed to be able to get high in peace. The author of Against Football: One Fan’s Reluctant Manifesto told us, “The NFL should shut their fucking mouths about players who wanna smoke pot. They’d rather have them all shot up on Toradol, drinking…
Blowfly, otherwise known as Clarence Reid, is more than just the world’s first recorded rapper, a smooth-singing soul crooner, and a sex prophet for profit. He is living proof of Miami’s global relevance to the world of music. And there are not many people who know Blowfly as well as…
The Indiana Pacers stink worse than a bag of fish on a summer day. They call themselves a basketball team? They couldn’t throw a gumball through a hula hoop, hit a free throw if UPS delivered it, or sink a three-pointer if they were on the Titanic. Their play is…
Steve Almond is an award-winning journalist who wrote for this very paper way back in the ’90s. Then he quit his job and became a New York Times best-selling author of Candy Freak. Now he has a new book out, Against Football: One Fan’s Reluctant Manifesto. “Football is my favorite…
Robert Mazur was an undercover federal agent famous for staging a fake wedding, inviting the biggest coke lords and drug bankers in the world to his bachelor party, and arresting them when they showed up. As mafia leader Bob Musella, he infiltrated the cocaine banking underworld, where black market blood…
Blowfly is so old that hieroglyphics on Egyptian pyramids show him and Cleopatra having oral sex. Legend has it that’s where he wrote the lyrics to his classic “Girl Let Me Cum in Your Mouth.” Both Snoop Dogg and the RZA have cited his profound influence on the world of…
The San Diego Chargers are so slow their cleats might as well be high heels. They can’t run, they wobble when they walk, and they care more about how they look than what they can do in those shoes. They’re so slow that Charles Manson will be out of prison…
