Twenty months after a mysterious car accident near Miccosukee Indian land claimed the life of Coconut Grove woman Tatiana Furry, the State Atorney’s Office has concluded its investigation and released a shocker. According to an autopsy report, Furry had a blood alcohol content (BAC) of .32, four times the legal…
Fidel Castro has put aside the too-old-to-care tracksuits and unearthed his old olive-green military uniforms. He has returned to his weathered rut in front of the Cuban parliament, back on television, ranting incessantly again. As Elton John would say: The bitch is back…
Penile implant king Dr. Paul Perito berates New Times
Umpire Nelson Diaz escaped Cuba but now faces life without baseball
“It’s not funny!” Dr. Paul Perito booms. “My devotion to this craft is not funny at all!” He picks up a penile implant and angrily waves it in our face. It’s a silicone rod the approximate shape of a conductor’s baton. Then Perito, a slick-haired doc wearing black cowboy boots and a…
Today in obscure sports disputes: Fomer NBAer and current Guy Sometimes on the TV John Salley says former Miami Heat center Rony Seikaly cared naught for the postseason because it didn’t pay well. Seikaly doesn’t exactly deny that — but he does tell Riptide Salley is composed predominantly of fecal…
A new Florida law makes it an offense punishable by one year in prison to traffic in horse meat. That, and several arrests and the destruction of a whole freakin’ horse-killing neighborhood have made it extremely difficult to buy horse meat in Miami-Dade County– as undercover cops will complain. …
Blackman: Overtown comic-book hero saves Miami
The police officers of the sleepy hamlet of Surfside usually spend their days hiding in bushes trying to trap drivers going 37 mph. But for the past year, they’ve had a real whodunit on their hands. More specifically, a who-jacked-it…
Cleveland has plenty of reasons to declare a municipal omerta on LeBron James. Using a live TV special to choose the Heat was the sporting version of that part in Carrie where the popular jock makes Sissy Spacek his prom date just to dump pig’s blood all over her. Only…
It’s a comic about “Blackman,” an Overtown superhero with powers inspired by African myth. The character’s nickname: the Colored Crusader. And it’s conceived and drawn by a white guy. Yeah, we cringed too…
Rapper Flo Rida and a mess of South Florida hip-hop’s usual suspects — Yes! Lyrikill.com’s on the track! Who the hell is Ball Greezy and could somebody get him some Gold Bond? — have thrown together a song that captures the sentiment buoying every Miami basketball fan. The hook to their…
DJ Rony Seikaly, former Miami Heat center, spins the jams
As if Dwyane Wade needed anymore good news after settling a multimillion-dollar lawsuit that’s been haunting him for years, finalizing his divorce and winning custody of his kids, and luring dream teammates Chris Bosh and LeBron James to Miami: His nemesis Richard von Houtman has been charged with a felony…
In 1988, Rony Seikaly became the first Lebanese player in the history of the NBA when he signed with the Miami Heat. Today, he is believed to be the tallest disc jockey in the world — sorry, Aaron Traylor. No obscure milestone, it seems, is safe from this man. Seikaly…
We were walking our dog around Surfside this Sunday when we spotted this enraged missive stuck to a Miami Herald box. Click through for a close-up. P.S. We took this photo at noon, and the box was still empty. A Damn Lazy Shame, indeed…
Is excited delirium a bizzare fatal syndrome first discovered in Miami? Or is it junk science used to cover up deaths caused by police abuse? That’s the question at the heart of this week’s New Times feature, “The Dark Side.” After the jump, watch the final moments of Donald Lewis, who…
One of the first and only stops on Joaquin Phoenix’s Boring Insanity Tour was Fontainebleu’s LIV, where the actor-turned-mumbly-rapper who brawled with audience members at every show brawled with an audience member…
Excited delirium is killing coked-up, stun-gunned Miamians
Pat Riley summoned forces of evil to lure LeBron to the Heat
Romero Britto’s parking meters mess with Miami bums’ beer fund
This week, a nation was compelled to watch as a bearded egomaniac from an impoverished region took to live TV for an overblown announcement. LeBron schmebron. On Monday, the original self-proclaimed king with a six-foot-eight case of megalomania clawed his way back into global headlines by launching a multimedia assault…
