Photo by Mingo Hagen/Flickr
Audio By Carbonatix
Let’s face it: we all have our emo days. Whether it’s because of a bad breakup, work drama, or too much time spent in traffic, sometimes we just need a place to go and be grumpy. Even in a city as sunny as Miami, we all have days when it feels like clouds are hovering over us, specifically. Fortunately, this city is full of places where we can be a little extra without fear of harm or judgment. So, put down the tissues, pull out the black eyeliner, and drag yourself to these emo havens.
Aventura Mall photo
Aventura Mall
Even if you’re a mall hater, there is no denying that there’s something soothing about roaming these expansive, fluorescent-lit halls. It’s an experience made even better while blasting depressing music on your headphones, and you’ll relive your mallrat heydays of judging all the happy normies with their boba teas and shopping bags. Unfortunately, there’s no Hot Topic here, but you’ll still find plenty of opportunities for self-pity. 19501 Biscayne Blvd., Aventura; 305-935-1110; aventuramall.com.
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Books & Books
What better place to be tragic than among the words of Sylvia Plath, Franz Kafka, and Leo Tolstoy? Sip coffee in the corner of the café and indulge your sweet sorrow in the pages of a classic tragedy, a contemporary heartache, or, for a dose of nonfiction, the newspaper. No one will bother you as you sob into your napkin, and they have plenty of delicious cakes and pastries if you’d prefer to eat your feelings. 265 Aragon Ave., Coral Gables; 305-442-4408; booksandbooks.com.
Photo by Patrick Chin
Brother’s Keeper Bar
Sometimes we need to drown our sorrows the old-fashioned way — at the bottom of a drink. Is it healthy? No, but neither is being sad all by yourself. That’s why we need classic dive bars like this one, where we can camouflage under the neon lighting and melt into our plush booth. This spot serves up pure ’80s nostalgia, reminding us of a time when it was more than socially acceptable to get lost in a bottle of bourbon. 1710 Alton Rd., Miami Beach; 786-882-3528; brotherskeeperbar.com.
Club Space
Are you in a funk, and the only cure is to dress like a unicorn and dance by yourself at 7 a.m. on Sunday morning? We’ve got a spot for you. Club Space is internationally known and loved for good reason, and isn’t great music a salve for almost all of life’s miseries? Wear pretty much whatever you want (or nearly nothing), and you’ll fit right in. Dance like no one is watching (everyone else is, anyway). 34 NE 11th St., Miami; 702-738-1333; clubspace.com.
Photo by Adi Adinayev
El Dorado Furniture: Airport Outlet
When screaming into a pillow doesn’t cut it, try shouting into the booming engines of airplanes taking off and landing at MIA’s runway 09. Plane spotters suggest you pass the furniture store until you reach the railroad tracks, and then park at the end of the road. There, you can be the main character of your biopic, silently (or loudly) cursing all the passengers coming to and from their glamorous trips while you’re picking up the pieces of your own fragile life. 1201 NW 72nd Ave., Miami; 305-477-1909; eldoradofurniture.com.
IPIC
When we watch a sad movie while nursing a broken heart, it feels like it’s speaking directly to us. That’s why we recommend a solo mission to the theater when you’re deep in the feels. This one is comfy, with oversized recliners and blankets, and its menu is stacked with emotional support food, like chicken tenders and warm soft pretzels. Make sure to cry loudly from your seat, so everyone knows exactly why you’re there. 3701 NE 163rd St., North Miami Beach; 786-563-7061; ipic.com.
Miami Beach Boardwalk
Take that nervous energy on a seven-mile oceanfront rage walk, because we live in Miami for a reason, goddammit. The sun is shining, despite the dark clouds over your head, and even in the depths of your despair, you can surely appreciate fresh air, a cool breeze, and the soothing crashing of waves. It’s not all sunshine and rainbows, though. E-bikes are strictly prohibited, which gives you full authority to scream at them when they inevitably pass you by. South Pointe Park to Surfside; miamibeachboardwalk.com.
