Huge Brawl at Calle Ocho Street Festival Caught on Video

There’s no good reason to get into a fight at Miami’s annual Calle Ocho festival. Everyone is happy, the food is delicious, and you could even watch a dude wolf down 158 croquetas at this year’s El Croquetazo eating contest.

So huge congrats to these morons, who took a good thing and beat it over the head with a chair.

On Sunday, a massive street brawl broke out at the festival, which was celebrating its 40th anniversary. In the clip uploaded to Facebook and then widely shared, at least ten people can be seen throwing random haymakers at one another and slamming each other onto the soaked pavement. A poor group of festival workers stood behind a fence, literally penned in by the fight.

The video doesn’t show how the battle began. Local hairdresser Daymi Fernandez posted the clip online. She didn’t say much about the fight, save for the fact that alcohol was involved.

“El alcohol afecta,” she wrote. (She didn’t respond to a message from New Times yesterday afternoon.)

The brawlers apparently all got away scot-free: A City of Miami Police spokesperson said that her department had not heard anything about the brawl and that only three people were arrested during Sunday’s festivities, each in different locations around Calle Ocho. None appeared to have been related to a street brawl.

So why were these people fighting? Allow us to speculate:

• They read the results of the Congressional Budget Office’s review of the Obamacare replacement, which estimates that 24 million people will lose their health insurance under “Trumpcare.“
  
• They saw an image of these clear-knee “jindow” mom jeans and couldn’t process their anger.
  
• Someone brought up Noam Chomsky and Michel Foucault’s 1971 TV debate, and the crowd couldn’t agree on whether human beings possess an innate “nature.”
  
• One guy said he didn’t like Beyoncé.
  
• Someone loudly shouted, “Greedo shot first!”
• A prankster handed out photographs of Gov. Rick Scott with hair.
  
• One of the MCs asked which member of the Latin American boy band CNCO is cutest.
  
• Beer, most likely.