Audio By Carbonatix
A candidate making a pit stop for cafecitos at Versailles isn’t exactly hot news, even for a guy improbably still leading the GOP after a month fending off more sexual harassment accusations than Gene Simmons’ tongue. The Cuban landmark is such a de facto stopover for White House wannabes, the regular viejitos barely batted an eye when the Michelle Bachmann crazy train pulled in a couple months back.
But it caught our eye when Herman Cain announced this morning his plans to visit Versailles on Wednesday because he’s made such a point of being willfully ignorant of foreign policy. Frankly, we’re a little worried for him. Pssst, Herman: Castro is the bad guy.
In case you missed the gist of that segment, Cain doesn’t much care who the president of “Uz-beki-beki-decki-stan-stan” or any other stupid foreign places because “knowing who is the head of some of these small, insignificant states around the world … (isn’t) critical.”
For Cain’s sake, let’s hope he spends the five minutes to bone up on Cuban history before landing at Versailles.
He may still be leading Florida, according to a poll last week, but nothing flubs a Republican’s hopes in the Sunshine State quicker than pissing off the Cuban establishment in the Cuban establishment in Little Havana.
As a service from Riptide, here’s a quick guide for the Cain campaign to study before the “gotcha questions” start flowing:
Fidel Castro: No es bueno! He’s the really, really old one with the beard. Not technically in charge anymore, but, if you’re asked, just whisper: el debe morir …
Raul Castro: Not as bad as the bearded one, but still: No good! You definitely do not like him.
Starlin Castro: Chicago Cubs’ hot young shortstop prospect. Speedy, with a little bit of power — but a little unfocused out there in the field.
Hugo Chavez: The head of a whole different foreign country, called Venezuela. Note: Not technically part of Cuba. But you also don’t like Chavez. Very, very bad man!
Elian Gonzalez: Elian doesn’t run any countries except City of Miami elections by proxy. Just repeat after us if he comes up: Janet Reno es un coño!
Che Guevara: He’s the guy with the hipster beard on the shirts all the dirty hippies are wearing at Occupy protests. Yeah — he hates Wall Street. Have at ’em, Cain!
Follow Miami New Times on Facebook and Twitter @MiamiNewTimes.
