But this is the Marlins, a franchise run by Martians pretending to be human, so things pretty much go wrong constantly, and when they go wrong, they go really, really weird. That's why the boyish, mild-mannered Yelich was involved in a surreal, Twitter-related sex-tape scandal yesterday.
In short, Yelich was accused of kissing a woman's butt in a since-deleted Twitter video, only for Yelich to deny via his own Twitter account that he was in the video. But then Yelich deleted his denial, leaving all of baseball Twitter scratching its collective head about what the heck just happened.
This Christian Yelich Twitter incident is crazy https://t.co/wZLROvQrQO— Jimmy Gower (@SoflaJimmyG) July 18, 2016
The bizarre situation began when an account called @RealMarlinsFan tweeted out a video of a similarly coiffed yet unidentifiable male engaging in some over-the-panties oral sex with an unnamed woman. The user also claimed the butt-smoocher in question was Yelich.
Though @RealMarlinsFan has since deleted the video and his/her account, Deadspin has preserved the extremely NSFW video for all to see here.
In a classic case of the Barbra Streisand Effect (in which a celebrity tries to censor something no one cared about, only to draw way more attention to that very same thing), Yelich then reportedly tweeted that it was absolutely not him in the video and called the rumor "false and defamatory."
This, naturally, led everyone to wonder "What video?" and immediately Google it for themselves.
According to CBS Sports, here's the Yelich tweet:
A false and defamatory video was tweeted about me the past 24hrs. It is 100% not me in the video. My attorneys are looking into itNow, to make things even weirder, Yelich has since deleted that tweet, leaving everyone to ponder just what in hell is happening.
(Everyone except Marlins fans, that is, because this is honestly the most exciting Marlins news we've gotten all year.)