The children's voices on the airwaves summoning you to Santa's Enchanted Forest are a good indicator that the holidays are here. The temperature has dropped below 70, and the ironic Christmas sweaters are coming out in full force. Before the stresses of the holidays get you down, check out this list of the hottest parties to give you something to look forward to. From skull-crushing ragers to old-school skating rinks, here are the ten best holiday parties in South Florida.
Bayskate Holiday Boogie. Gone are the days spent booty-dancing in the suburbs at your local skating rink (but if you're in Kendall, Super Wheels is still standing). Now you can relive that era at the pop-up Bayskate Holiday Boogie. From December 20 through December 22, Bayskate will turn the historic Pepper Fountain at Bayfront Park into an old-school skating rink for three nights. The general skate session runs from 4 to 7 p.m., and the adult skate session begins at 7:30. Skaters can lace up with complimentary rentals (while supplies last), but if you want to bypass the rental line, sign up for a free fast pass. Take in the sweeping views of Biscayne Bay on wheels or post up in the food-and-drink area, offering diversions such as the Veza Sur Beer Garden and Gnome Forest. 4 to 11 p.m. Thursday, December 20; 4 p.m. to midnight Friday, December 21; and 1 p.m. to midnight Saturday, December 22, at Bayfront Park, 301 N. Biscayne Blvd., Miami; bayskatemiami.com. Admission is free.
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Snoop Dogg. The days leading up to Christmas are always the most hectic. You've spent a ton of cash on gifts and have been ferociously scrubbing that beer stain on your couch before your cousin comes to crash on it. But we all know the holidays are best spent with family. And if you don't plan to pay a visit to Uncle Snoop, shame on you. De-stress with Snoop Dogg and special guests Tha Luniz and Afroman December 20. Later that night, Snoop Dogg, AKA DJ Snoopadelic, will DJ at Miami Beach's Story Nightclub. 8 p.m. Thursday, December 20, at Hard Rock Event Center at Seminole Hard Rock Hotel & Casino, 1 Seminole Way; Hollywood; 1-866-502-7529; seminolehardrockhollywood.com. Tickets cost $70 to $155 plus fees via ticketmaster.com.
Double Stubble Loves Our Baes. Miami's favorite Thursday-night dance party is bringing you a hearty dose of pre-holiday fun. Catch drag performances at 10 and 11:30 p.m. by Hope Hillcum, King Femme, Lisa Mercedes, and Trisha Putas outside. In Gramps' backroom, AKA Shirley's, the sensual souls of RnBae will celebrate their second anniversary with an "RnBaeVersary" party featuring live R&B. What do you get when you mix $8 "Double Daiguiris" and silky-smooth serenades? An emotional ugly cry that'll last you till Christmas morning. 9 p.m. to 2 a.m. Thursday, December 20, at Gramps, 176 NW 24th St., Miami; 305-699-2669; gramps.com. Admission is free.
The Heavy Pets and Surfer Blood Holiday Ball and Toy Drive. What's better than living in the Sunshine State and not having to experience below-freezing temperatures this time of year? Celebrating the weekend before the holidays with South Florida's very own Surfer Blood and the Heavy Pets. Grab your boo, pick up a toy from the store, and party for a good cause at Fort Lauderdale's Revolution Live, dubbed best rock club by New Times in the 2018 Best of Miami issue. But if you don't want to stand behind a bunch of sweaty heads, arrive early and snag a prime spot on the second-floor balcony. 7 p.m. Friday, December 21, at Revolution Live, 100 SW Third Ave., Fort Lauderdale; 954-449-1025; jointherevolution.net. Tickets cost $14 plus fees via ticketmaster.com.
Celebrity Deathmatch: Good vs. Evil. Miss Toto and This Free Life are back with another installment of Celebrity Deathmatch, inspired by the bloody MTV claymation series of the same name. On December 21, catch Celebrity Deathmatch: Good vs. Evil at the Hangar, where you can watch Azula Faux Sapphire and Florida Elizabeth Man battle it out in the ring as Harry Potter and Lord Voldemort; Kat Wilderness and Aurora Whorealis as Princess Leia and Darth Vader; Morphine Love and FKA Twink as White Swan and Black Swan; and Remy Black and Jupiter Correa as Batwoman and the Joker. The party, hosted by Miss Toto and Athena Dion, with special guest Biqtch Puddin', will spread holiday cheer with an open bar from 10:30 to 11:30 p.m. and free entry with RSVP. Who will take home the championship belt? 10 p.m. to 3 a.m. Friday, December 21, at the Hangar, 60 NE 11th St., Miami; 786-480-4203; thehangar305.com. Admission is free with RSVP via tfl.events/mia.
The Christmas Massacre. It wouldn't be a proper holiday if you weren't spending quality time with your dysfunctional Churchill's family. Catcher & the Rye, Born Beneath, Hate Machine, Alloy, NTMK, Barber Floyd, and God Rot will get you into the holiday spirit and annihilate your senses December 22 at Miami's best rock club. For those who waited till the last minute to get their favorite punk a gift, you can do your Christmas shopping at the show and snag them a limited-edition T-shirt that commemorates the dive bar's atrocious bathrooms. If you make it out with all of your limbs, consider it a Christmas miracle. 9 p.m. Saturday, December 22, at Churchill's Pub, 5501 NE Second Ave., Miami; 305-757-1807; churchillspub.com. Tickets cost $5 plus fees via holdmyticket.com.
PL0T 300 x Interstellar Funk. This past August, Wynwood's best club, the Electric Pickle, announced on social media that it would shut its doors in June 2019 after nearly ten years of sweating and ass-shaking. As we get ready to bid adieu to a Miami nightlife institution, the dance club is honoring its closing with the 300 Series, described on the Electric Pickle's event page as "a series of events that will welcome some of the artists that we have fell in love with through the years, some debuts, some returns, but most importantly, they all have played a role along these 10 years of PL0T at the tiny room that could." The 300 series will kick off December 22 with Interstellar Funk's debut Miami performance. But don't sleep on these tickets, Miami. Once 300 tickets have been sold, you're out of luck. Spend your last holiday weekend at the Pickle, and try not to cry too hard. 10 p.m. Saturday, December 22, at the Electric Pickle, 2826 N. Miami Ave., Miami; 305-456-5613; electricpicklemiami.com. Tickets cost $10 plus fees via residentadvisor.net.
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Get Real. 'Tis the season to have uncomfortable conversations with your family around the dinner table. Instead of having to get real in an awkward way during the holidays, catch legends Claude VonStroke and Green Velvet perform back-to-back sets as their project Get Real, described as a "revival of authentic old-school house and techno futurism," with support from Walker & Royce. The duo's stop in Miami December 22 on the Space Terrace is only one of three dates on the tour, so don't miss out. 11 p.m. Saturday, December 22, at Club Space, 34 NE 11th St., Miami; 786-357-6456; clubspace.com. Tickets cost $20 to $40 plus fees via residentadvisor.net.
MatzoBall. The MatzoBall, geared toward Jewish singles aged 21 to 49, has been a holiday tradition for the past 32 years. The famous bash, presented by JSwipe, is set to take over LIV with DJs spinning until the wee hours of Christmas morning. If you're Jewish and single and your plans on December 24 don't involve a dance floor, you're doing it wrong. 10 p.m. Monday, December 24, at LIV, 4441 Collins Ave., Miami Beach; 305-674-4680; livnightclub.com. Tickets cost $50 to $100 plus fees via matzoball.ticketspice.com/miami.
All Folk'd Up Presents: Riot Grrrls and the Womyn of Folk. Grrrls to the front! The biannual event at Churchill's, presented by All Folk'd Up and curated by Victoria Saldana and Ryan Carney, celebrates the music of female talent in the folk community. This installment of Riot Grrrls and the Womyn of Folk will offer performances by Raffa Jo & Max, Dracula, Rachel Angel, Last Pew, Turtle Grenade, Skeletal Hains, and Tete, as well as poetry by Cathleen Chambless. If you aren't getting folk'd up during the holidays, what's the point? Come out and support your local riot grrrls and womyn of folk. Kathleen Hanna will be there in spirit. 9 p.m. Thursday, December 27, at Churchill's Pub, 5501 NE Second Ave., Miami; 305-757-1807; churchillspub.com. Tickets cost $5.