Remember the good ol' Satanic Panic of the 80s? It was an exciting time when children everywhere were constantly on the brink of performing ritual abuse as instructed by devil-worshipping cult leaders. Or at least that's what the media -- from daytime television to afternoon talk shows and late-night specials -- would've had you believe.
These days, Middle America has moved on to a sort of Homosexual Panic, where gay culture and media is perceived to be like an exploding fountain pen that will irreversibly stain anything it touches.
In honor of our long-lost national paranoia concerning The Devil, here are some of Crossfade's favorite accusations of Satanism.
5. Ozzy Osbourne, Tony Iommi and Black Sabbath: O.G. Boys In Black
We all owe Black Sabbath so much. Without the quintessential early 70s British heavy metal act, there would be no such thing as stoner rock. Not that rock stars weren't already chiefing acres of reefer. But Osbourne brought the sweet leaf front and center on jams like "Sweet Leaf," and Iommi's riffage was fried more deeply than a Bloomin' Onion. Anyway, Ozzy was biting off the heads of animals left and right, and the group's aesthetic marked a new darkness for rock and roll, so of course everyone thought they were in cahoots with the devil.
4. Terrorist On Britney Spears and Madonna: "I'mma Kill Them Hoes!"
We quote from the rantings and ravings of Muhammad Abdel-Al: "If I meet these whores I will have the honor - I repeat, I will have the honor - to be the first one to cut the heads off Madonna and Britney Spears if they will keep spreading their satanic culture against Islam. If these two prostitutes keep doing what they are doing, we of course will punish them."
As described in the incredibly titled expose Schmoozing With Terrorists: From Hollywood to the Holy Land Jihadists Reveal their Global Plans - to a Jew!, Muhammad Abdel-Al is one of the few people in the world still offended by Madonna.
3. Stairway To Heaven? Or Stairwell To...?
Remember how everyone thought Paul McCartney was dead because, allegedly, if you played the White Album backwards you could hear the phrase, "PAUL IS DEAD?" Well, some people think Robert Plant and Led Zeppelin worship the fallen angel Lucifer because if you play "Stairway To Heaven" backwards you can clearly hear some pretty weird shit.
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2. Ridiculous Conspiracy Blog Thinks Lady Gaga Is The Devil
While Crossfade is convinced that the members of Led Zeppelin are Satanists, we're a little skeptical of this Lady GaGa: Satanic Worship, Mind Control and Public Manipulation website. The larger conspiracy theory domain that it's a part of is a highly recommended time waster.
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1. AC/DC: Accused of Satanism For No Real Reason
The music world has long been ablaze with idle speculation over the secret Satanic coding imbedded within AC/DC's band name - Anti-Christ Devil Children, maybe? Well, thankfully, we live in the age of the internet and Yahoo Answer can finally give us the definitive answers to questions like "Is AC/DC (and Iron Maiden) Satanic?"