Historically, Memorial Day has been a time to honor fallen soldiers. Dating back to the end of the Civil War, it’s a solemn holiday where both civilians and war veterans gather for barbecues, parades, and vigils to pay their respects to American soldiers who died serving their country.
In Miami, however, we use our hard-earned freedom to shake our golden, oiled up asses and drink until our livers give out. Therefore, we now present to you the ten most debaucherous and gloriously disrespectful parties this upcoming Memorial Day weekend.
The 2K Pool Party will bring a taste of South Beach shenanigans to Doral. Featuring the talents of Miami rapper Zoey Dollaz as well as recording artists Lajan Slim, Trace, and B Smyth, the 2K Pool Party is offering free admission to any ladies who show up in a thong. So, yeah. It's going to be that kind of party.
9. Sunset Music Festival. Saturday, May 28, through Sunday, May 29, at Raymond James Stadium, 4201 N. Dale Mabry Hwy., Tampa; 813-350-6500; raymondjamesstadium.com. Tickets cost $109 to $274 plus fees via eventbrite.com.
Leave the city. No, seriously. Get out while you can. We know that some Miamians dread the traffic nightmares and long lines that come with Memorial Day weekend, so if you're itching for a tiny road trip, head to Sunset Music Festival, the two-day little brother to Miami’s Ultra Music Festival. This year, the Tampa-based event features the talents of the Chainsmokers, Hardwell, and Jack Ü. Miami’s LIV nightclub will be there with its Sky Loft and, we’re guessing, plenty of South Florida decadence.
8. R. Kelly. 8 p.m. Saturday, May 28, at the American Airlines Arena, 601 Biscayne Blvd., Miami; 786-777-1000; aaarena.com. Tickets cost $75 to $125 via ticketmaster.com.
R. Kelly, the Grammy-award winning R&B singer (with a disturbing slew of sex offenses leveled against him), brings his Buffet Tour to the American Airlines Arena on Saturday, May 28. For those ready to set aside the numerous counts of sex with minors he settled out of court (including allegedly marrying Aaliyah when she was 15), the 49-year-old crooner is sure to set the arena on fire with his hits, “Bump N’ Grind” and “I Believe I Can Fly.”
Aside from radio personalities, not much has been revealed about who exactly will attend the all-day party which runs from 2 p.m. to 9 p.m. at Wynwood's Brick House. Still, even if it’s just the DJs from the Beat family, that would still be a hell of a dance party and the last possible hurrah for people avoiding the inevitability of the impending work week.
6. Colombia vs. Haiti International Soccer Friendly. 5 p.m. Sunday, May 29, at Marlins Park, 501 Marlins Way, Miami; 305-480-1300; miami.marlins.mlb.com. Tickets cost $30 to $300 via miami.marlins.mlb.com.
With both the Miami Heat and the Florida Panthers out of the playoffs and the Marlins returning to losing form, there isn’t much sports excitement in the Magic City these days. However, some of football’s most exhilarating stars are coming to Marlins Park on Monday for a football friendly worth the price of admission. Russia 2018 World Cup hopefuls Colombia are a national pride packed with talent that features the likes of David Ospina of Arsenal and mighty no. 10, James Rodríguez of Real Madrid. The Haitian side is especially scrappy and could make their Colombian counterparts work. Plus, there will be beer.
5. Miami Is an Island. With Eric Paredes, Marcello Bentine, Kumi, and Mr. Brown. Sunday, May 1, at the Anderson, 709 NE 79th St., Miami; 305-757-3368; theandersonmiami.com. Admission is free.
For partygoers still alive on Sunday, the Anderson in Little River presents a tropical Memorial Day weekend celebration complete with food trucks and music. Hosted by the production group Miami is an Island, the party features a slew of artists such as Kumi (The Pick Radio Show), Marcello Bentine (Sushisamba Miami Beach), Erick Paredes (Sustainable Recordings), Mr. Brown (Loose Joints), and party organizer, Arun Brown.
Miguel is the sexiest artist alive right now. His songs are basically three-minute long orgasms, that's worth at least $25 as far as we're concerned. The show takes place on Friday so if you're looking to start the weekend off on an erotic note, this is a show to see.
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3. Rubber Duckie Pool Party. With Oscar G, Donnie Lowe, and more. 12 p.m. Saturday, May 28, at Duffy's Sports Grill of North Miami Beach, 3969 NE 163rd St., North Miami Beach; 305-760-2124; duffysmvp.com. Tickets cost $13 via wantickets.com.
The 10th annual Best of the Best International Music Festival is a massive, four-day fest with parties around the city. The crown jewel and main show is a 10-hour event held at Bayfront Park in downtown Miami. Hip-hop, R&B, and reggae artists from around the globe will descend upon Miami for a gigantic dance party in the heart of the city. It’s essentially an urban SXSW, but even if you get lost in the shuffle, you’re sure to find some dank ass weed.
1. Lil Wayne and 2 Chainz. 11 p.m. Friday, May 27, at Story, 136 Collins Ave., Miami Beach; 305-538-2424; storymiami.com. Tickets cost $30 plus fees via flavorus.com.
Memorial day in Miami means hip-hop, and there's perhaps no show going down this weekend that's more hip-hop than this one. Lil Wayne and 2 Chainz are a guaranteed good time — if they show up. But even if you're not satisfied with this show, you can head back the next day to catch Fabolous, or the next day to catch Rick Ross. Story is doing Memorial Day weekend right.