Sweet Jesus, why would anyone want to set sail aboard a cruise ship and party with a bunch of hipsters this weekend when there are so many great tiki-tiki parties on South Beach?
Just kidding. We'd much rather be aboard the Carnival Imagination for the second annual Bruise Cruise than landlocked in our cubicle.
But such is life. And we'll make the best of it. Join Crossfade this weekend at one of the following gnarly South Beach club parties.
Sharam. Thursday, February 9 at 11 p.m., LIV (4441 Collins Ave, Miami Beach). Did someone order half a Deep Dish with a side of prog house? That'll be $40, please.
Magic Circus Presents: Tim Mason. Friday, February 10 at 11 p.m., Amnesia (136 Collins Ave, Miami Beach). Dubbed the "fifth Chili Pepper" by us, Tim Mason's Amnesia set's going to be unforgettable.
Down Right Fridays Presents: Pirate Stereo. Friday, February 10 at 11 p.m., Louis at Gansevoort South (2325 Collins Ave, Miami Beach). Indie music goes electro. These Berklee College of Music grads are two of our favorites.
Super Fridays Presents: The Rapture (DJ Set). Friday, February 10 at 11 p.m., Mansion (1235 Washington Ave, Miami Beach). Indie pop groups make fine disc jockeys. Why else would Mansion hire the group to play other people's music?
Amnesia Presents: Harry Choo Choo Romero. Saturday, February 11 at 11 p.m., Amnesia (135 Collins Ave, Miami Beach). And the award for best DJ name goes to...
R3hab. Saturday, February 11 at 11 p.m., LIV (4441 Collins Ave, Miami Beach). Bass so heavy this song makes us want kill ourselves in a totally ironic manner. Just kidding. We love life, love house.
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TV Rock. Saturday, February 11 at 11 p.m., Mokai (235 23rd St, Miami Beach). Can you feel it in the air? Quick, find some uppers, it's happy-go-lucky dance music time!
Arty. Sunday, February 12 at 11 p.m., SET (320 Lincoln Road, Miami Beach). This dude's four remixes away from reaching Swedish House Mafia-level EDM stardom. Don't miss him.