The first episode of The Franchise: Miami Marlins featured a shitload of F-bombs and was narrated by Don Draper, officially making The Franchise the greatest thing on TV ever.The first episode covered Ozzie Guillen’s Fidel Castro comments, the team’s blowing shit up in May, their shit-the-bed June, Giancarlo Stanton’s epic awesomeness,…
Former Hialeah Mayor Julio Robaina Unfairly Trashed by the Media
Reader Mail: Obamacare Isn’t All Good or All Bad
Lady Gaga is a monster. Having successfully dominated the social spheres of Facebook and Twitter, Mother Monster has launched an egocentric networking haven all her own. A combination of Pinterest, Reddit, and ’90s AOL chat rooms, LittleMonsters.com allows Gaga fans to share their shitty memes, Gaga news from across the…
Carly Rae Jepsen’s ode to romance-novel covers features the singer fantasizing about her buff, tattooed gardener. The song was Katy Perry-cute and pretty forgettable once you were out of the car.We guess, however, the tune got trapped inside the small one-track mind of a certain sweets-loving monster that we all…
This afternoon, Miami Commissioner Michelle Spence-Jones and Miami New Times columnist Luther Campbell are meeting with Miami Police Chief Manuel Orosa to ask him what he is doing to address a violent gang war that has enveloped Liberty City over the past three months. “We’re going to ask him what…
Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke goes to bat for a certain former Hialeah mayor.The Miami-Dade mayoral primary is only two months away, and…
The leafy hamlet of South Miami has turned into a cesspool of political backbiting and allegations of unethical behavior by some of its officials. In recent weeks, even a kids’ soccer program has come under fire amid accusations of conflicts of interest against South Miami United — the group that…
We’ve got a theory that can no longer be ignored. Every time we see a sweet R&B starlet hook up with a rough and rowdy rapper for a Top 40 banger, we can’t help imagining all the hot and sweaty sex they must’ve had while recording. We used to think…
Some of us love food and then some of us love food. Gavin Bradford of Halton Ontario has lost his teaching license after a four-year investigation into his inappropriate behavior towards at least 21 elementary school students.Bradford, an apparent food fetishist, would conduct sexually-charged conversations with the children in person…
Purchasing prepackaged food and dining out do seem a little mainstream. So does grocery shopping. This poses quite the conundrum for the young and über-authentic. Which is why (actually probably not why) out of Williamsburg, Brooklyn, comes Hipster Dust, an “addictively natural” vegan spice mixture sold only on the Internet…
I don’t know about you, pero every time I hear someone refer to me as “Hispanic” or “Latino,” me dan ganas de meterle una pata por culo a alguin. My response is always the same (unless its la mona): I’m a Cuban American, you comemierda!Oye, the only thing that makes…
Luke’s Gospel: Obamacare Is as American as Apple Pie and Free Speech
TSA Is a Modern-Day Nazi Goon Squad
Andy Griffith, television’s beloved sheriff on The Andy Griffith Show, has died at the age of 86. The actor died at his home in Roanoke Island, North Carolina, according to a statement from his family.Though Griffith went on to have a long-lasting career in television and music, playing Matlock for…
Fourth of July gatherings are like any other gatherings: Some are a lot better than others. Thing is, by the time you discover the picnic you’ve attended is a dud, it’s too late.Sometimes, however, you might overhear a key phrase uttered by the host that will signal looming trouble early…
See also “Arsht Center Floods During Lion King Performance.”Repairs to the Adrienne Arsht Center for the Performing Arts necessitated by a busted water pipe will cost Miami-Dade County at least $2.7 million, according to a recent memo from Mayor Carlos Gimenez. While some of the costs are covered by an…
Photos: Rock ‘n’ Roll Beer-B-Que 2012 at Seminole Hard Rock Hotel & CasinoThe Rock ‘N’ Roll Beer-B-Que Wrap-Up (Clean Plate Charlie) Sometimes you’ve gotta take one for the team. That was the case when I was asked to be a judge at the Rock N’ Roll Beer-B-Que at the Seminole…
In a shining example of government idiocy, the U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA) is actually encouraging people to apply for food stamps.The government agency has an active program to lure more Americans into applying for food stamps, specifically targeting senior citizens. This program costs the USDA $2.5 to $3 million…
See also “#KeepPitbull305 Fails to Save Mr. Worldwide From #ExilePitbull Trolls and Kodiak, Alaska.” We know he’s straight off la esquina. So Dat Lil’ Chico could crash on Crossfade’s couch any day of the motherfucking week. But apparently, the rest of the country doesn’t exactly feel that way. Because right…
Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that…
Luther Campbell, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. Today, Luke weighs in on Obamacare. As someone who’s knows what it’s like to fight all the way to the U.S…
