Opinion & Commentary

Dr. Schnoz Is a Gifted Surgeon

Luke’s Gospel: Miami Heat Is Way Ahead of Dolphins, Marlins

Read “Homestead Mayor Steve Bateman Allegedly Made Campaign Ad With City Resources.”Based on a complaint dismissed by the Miami-Dade ethics commission yesterday, elected officials can use taxpayer resources to make campaign ads. Homestead Mayor Steven Bateman will not be punished for using snippets of a city-made video that included footage…

Marlins Park, the new $684 million home to the Fish, is absolutely beautiful. I previewed this state-of-the-art stadium at the Diamonds and Dishes event during the South Beach Wine & Food Festival but was eager to take in a game.When I received a Groupon alert for discounted tickets, I pounced…

Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke says the Heat is the number one franchise in Miami.Jeffrey Loria and Stephen Ross need to set up…

See also “Jane Bang’s Diss Track: ‘Keep Sucking on That Afrojack Dick'” and “DJ Paris Hilton Pisses Off Samantha Ronson and Deadmau5.” And the award for shittiest, most tragic DJ in the entire universe goes to … The slut in the awkward construction paper dress! Oh, we mean Paris Hilton,…

LMFAO With Sydney Samson and Far East Movement American Airlines Arena Friday, June 22, 2012 Better Than: The awkward ride home when mom has to explain the “fellatio ratio.” LMFAO do not make music for children. But apparently, that’s who’s listening to them. When Redfoo and Sky Blu first hit…

​Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that…

It is said that the average diner peruses a menu for a mere 109 seconds. Before we get on to improving menus, I’d suggest diners improve their chances of getting a good meal by spending more time than that. But it is what it is, at least according to a…

Everyone knows Justin Bieber’s droves of pubescent girl “beliebers” are totally batty. Until now, we thought they had some modicum of decency. But turns out, they are some of the most depraved and demoralized fans in existence. If you were listening to Elvis Duran and the Morning Show on Y100…

It looks like the plan to kill Scotty’s Landing is going forward. In fact, unlike so many of Miami’s snail-paced ventures, the plans to replace Scotty’s, Grove Key Marina, and Chart House are steamrolling ahead.A few days ago, five bids were presented to a special selection committee to weigh the merits…

About three weeks before Rudy Eugene took off all his clothes and chewed off Ronald Poppo’s face, Miami Police had to subdue another naked man who went crazy in the Upper Eastside. Luckily, Andre Patterson didn’t seriously hurt anyone and didn’t end up dead. The incident occurred on the morning of…

Dwyane Wade Hasn’t Lost the Fire to Be the Best

Reader Mail: Tony Montana Isn’t the Face of Miami

Maybe it was the headline calling him a “Modern Day Minstrel” or the comparison to Rush Limbaugh that got underneath Skip Bayless’ ripped muscles. Or maybe the sports journalist and host of ESPN’s First Take figured he wasn’t about to let Luther Campbell call him a race baiting huckster on…

“Certainly a sort of industrial use of creatures, so that geese are fed in such a way as to produce as large a liver as possible, or hens live so packed together that they become just caricatures of birds, this degrading of living creatures to a commodity seems to me…

Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke addresses the future of the Miami Heat’s biggest star.Whether the Heat wins or loses the NBA Finals, everybody…

Tallahassee, be very afraid. If all goes according to their plan, not one, not two, but all three Diaz de la Portilla brothers will be members of the state Legislature come November. They’re already one-third of the way there. Miguel Diaz de la Portilla did not draw a challenger for…