Each year, the Miami Marathon and Half Marathon sees 25,000 athletes bounding through the streets of our fair city. This year, the race takes place on February 2, 2014 and, while that may seem far away, training starts now…
Do voters in Miami’s District 5 really want to elect Rev. Richard P. Dunn II, a candidate with a lot of questions swirling about his personal and campaign finances? I don’t think so. He will only continue the cycle of criminal investigations in the district that is home to almost…
Miami Beach Clowns Not a funny joke: You’re right that all four candidates for Miami Beach mayor are total jokes (“Seaside Circus,” Michael E. Miller, October 24). This is the reason we are a banana republic just like Venezuela, where the president receives messages from the dead Hugo Chávez via…
Calm down, party girl/boy. Before you go flaunting your shiz in the face of the selector, think about what you’re really getting yourself into. Sure, dating (or even just fucking) a DJ seems like it would be a perk-filled romp through Awesomeville’s romance district. Your new beau will not only…
[Editor’s Note: In his new column, Serrano Time, award-winning goofball Shea Serrano writes about his life and times. Better put on your shoes because your socks are about to be blown off.] I went running the other morning. I used to run all the time. I was in shape, and…
Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke makes one final push before the Miami City election on Nov. 5. Miami City Commissioner Michelle Spence-Jones did…
Say what you wanna say, but the truth is that Halloween is an excuse for ladies (and even dudes) to unleash their inner ratchet. And if you’re like some of the party animals at the Vagabond’s Joker Asylum party, you celebrate Fright Night by expressing your sexual prowess, walking around…
You’ve been working hard, haven’t you? Don’t you think it’s time for a vacation? Well, if you’re looking for the perfect waterfront pad, and you have a month to kill and at least $30,000, not only are you a rich son of a bitch, but we’ve got the deal for…
About a month ago, Panya Amporn, the owner of North Miami Beach’s Panya Thai, asked his ex-wife to come back to work for the restaurant. “An employee quit, and he called me,” Judy Khuanthong says. Back in 2003, when the pair was still married, she helped her husband open the…
Upset about poor conditions and the firing of a legendary coach, the Grambling State University football team last Friday refused to board a bus for Jackson, Mississippi, to play Jackson State. The revolt by the 0-7 Tigers is exposing an ugly reality of college athletics. The NCAA and corporate sponsors…
Fight Club Take it from a bouncer: As a former bouncer, I can tell you there is really no need to be a douchebag like the ones you wrote about at Dirty Blondes who are routinely beating up customers while the police look the other way (“Beat Down,” Terrence McCoy,…
We used to go to raves to break out of the ordinary, to lose ourselves in a dark room, rubbing against sweaty bodies. To meet strangers from strange lands, each character more colorful and absurd than the last. We’re not sure if it’s just that we’ve been doing it for…
TLC/Courtesy of VH1 [Editor’s Note: In his new column, Serrano Time, award-winning goofball Shea Serrano writes about his life and times. Better put on your shoes because your socks are about to be blown off.] On Monday night, I watched the movie about TLC, the most important all-girl rap group…
Right now Nevin Shapiro is jumping off the walls in his cold, dark cell in federal lockup. The disgraced Ponzi schemer must be losing his mind. I wish I was a guard just so I could watch him cry his eyes out. He promised to tear down the University of…
Uncle Luke, the man whose booty shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke goes to bat for historically black colleges. The Grambling State University football team’s revolt is exposing an…
Bachelorette parties are more than strippers, penis cakes, and free tequila shots for the bridal party. They’re one last hurrah for the bride-to-be and an excuse for the rest of us single ladies to get blasted in hopes of meeting Mr. Right Now. And every bachelorette party, much like the…
It’s hard to be mad at a panda, but the past few days, people have been expressing outrage at the music video for Ark Music Factory’s song “Chinese Food.” The video, which features the song created by Ark’s cofounder Patrice Wilson, portrays 11-year-old singer Alison Gold frolicking with Wilson in…
Have you heard that Oreos are as addictive as cocaine? A new study from Connecticut College shows that laboratory rats found Oreos to be pretty delicious. The college’s research concluded that the cookies “activated more neurons in the rat brain’s pleasure center than drugs such as cocaine”, according to Time…
One of the world’s foremost conspiracy theorists doesn’t want people to get the wrong impression when they Google his name. “Mind Control: The Ultimate Terror”? Fine. “New (Reptilian) World Order”? Hey, he wrote that article. But calling him an “American loon”? That’s cause for a libel suit, according to Uri…
If you go to Dallas, Atlanta, New York, or any other major city, the TV reporters look like a zombified Walter Cronkite who just stumbled out of the cemetery. But Miami’s TV stations employ the hottest women in America to deliver the weather reports, news about traffic jams on I-95,…
Internet Fame Gone Wrong Only in Florida: Your profile of Loli-chan, the girl who became famous to internet pedophiles and now has trouble living as an adult (“Lonely Lolita,” Allie Conti, October 10) shows there are some sick and very awkward people in this world. I thought I had seen…
A lot of dubious honors have been bestowed upon Miami, but yesterday we received a new designation: having the worst restaurant in America. The Daily Meal, in compiling its annual list of 101 best restaurants, also named the worst eateries in the nation. The introduction states that the bottom dwellers…
